Jeremy Greenberg: Answering Mother Nature’s Call of Duty
Jan 13 2010
Today I learned the definition of adapt and improvise.
While flying on a C130 from Kuwait to the Balad Airbase, I witnessed the soldier next to me urinate into an empty water bottle (well, witness may not be the correct word—let’s restate that as I “noticed”). Now, I want to make sure this blog doesn’t gross anyone out, and remains in good taste. But it was the single most transformational event in my life this week, and it needs to be shared.
To begin with, if you’ve never flown in a C130, I highly recommended it. Imagine a Southwest flight, but instead of seats, there are benches and nets; and instead of being uncomfortable you’re really uncomfortable. The last time I saw organisms packed that tightly together, I was watching a P.E.T.A. commercial about the poultry industry.
There is a latrine on board, but only by the loosest definition of the word. It’s almost inaccessible to female soldiers. If the soldier next to me would’ve attempted to get to it, he would’ve had to climb over everyone in his row, incurring their wrath (or more accurately, being made fun of for not “going” before), and waking up the soldiers who clearly had flown in a C130 before and were able to sleep.
Now, I don’t want to go into the details of how I noticed, as it’s not for polite discourse. But the soldier was very discrete. If I hadn’t had my keen, comedian observational eye roving, I wouldn’t have noticed. Not only was I impressed with how considerate this soldier was to not disturb his teammates, I think this event perfectly illustrates what kind of high skill level it takes to serve the country. Besides the ability to focus to accomplish that task while surrounded by a large group of people (something not many men can do), and the accuracy to have this successful mission with zero collateral damage, you have to have the idea to do that. Never let it be said the military lacks creativity.
Fortunately the flight was only about an hour. When we landed, we were taken to eat in the mess hall where I again forgot to remove my hat, and for the second time someone had to politely tell me to remove it. I then fell asleep and woke up having missed dinner. But I needed the sleep more than the meal. I’m starting to feel a bit rested again. Good thing, we’ve got three shows in the next two days.
McDonalds in Kuwait
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Jeremy Greenberg has written for Geek Monthly, Pregnancy Magazine and The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Jokes (Alpha/Penguin). He is the author of Relative Discomfort: The Family Survival Guide (Andrews McMeel). When Jeremy’s not writing, he’s managing the development of his twin, toddler sons, agreeing with his overworked and underappreciated wife, or dodging phone calls from his weird and obnoxious relatives. Learn more at www.relativediscomfort.com
