Jeremy Greenberg: Generally Speaking
Jan 21 2010
If you’re a civilian, it’s hard to know what a truly “big deal” is in the military. But judging by the expressions on the faces of the soldiers who found out that we were to meet General Odierno, the head honcho over here in Iraq, it was clear that this was a very big deal. At first I didn’t think too much of it. I mean, I’d hung out with Robin Williams, so what’s another famous person?
That attitude quickly changed once our bulletproof GMC Yukon approached the main palace/government building. You know it’s serious when there are Americans guarding the doors, and not Ugandans. (Ugandans are contracted to guard many base facilities such as recreation halls and food courts, and they take their job very seriously. If you do not have orders, you will not be eating.) Once inside we were greeted by the General’s person in charge of VIP entertainers, who told us that General Odierno would be bringing us back in just a minute. We waited excitedly in what was essentially the Bagdad White House. I even sat in a giant chair that Yasser Arafat gave Saddam as a gift. I couldn’t get what the occasion was for the gift being given, but I’ll go out on a limb and say that it was not a Bar Mitzvah present.
And then the General’s guy came back out and said, “General Odierno knows you’re here, but regrets that something came up, and he cannot meet with you. But we would love for you to meet with General Reynes.” Before we had any time to react, we were shaking hands with some guy who was not General Odierno.
I didn’t think it could be possible, but I actually felt bad for this two-star General, only because he had to have known we were a bit disappointed. It’s like hearing that you’re about to meet the President, and then at the last minute someone comes out and says that instead you’ll be shaking hands with the Vice-Chair of the senate Ways and Means Committee.
But after ten seconds, it was clear that General Reynes was an incredibly powerful person in his own right. You can just tell when you meet certain people, their command of a room. I quickly forgot about four star whoever, and was really enjoying our conversation with General Reynes. He seemed to have the charisma and power of a corporate CEO, and he too gave us a coin thanking us for our service. What’s best was he already seemed to know stuff about us (he knew for example, that I was born in New York). I was both honored that he took the time, and horrified to think that someone that powerful had me on their radar screen. I felt like blurting out, “But seriously. I didn’t inhale!”
All in all, the visit was one of the most special events not just of this trip, but in my life. Now my hope is that General Reynes runs for president so that I can say I’ve met the President.
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Jeremy Greenberg has written for Geek Monthly, Pregnancy Magazine and The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Jokes (Alpha/Penguin). He is the author of Relative Discomfort: The Family Survival Guide (Andrews McMeel). When Jeremy’s not writing, he’s managing the development of his twin, toddler sons, agreeing with his overworked and underappreciated wife, or dodging phone calls from his weird and obnoxious relatives. Learn more at www.relativediscomfort.com
