Jeremy Greenberg: Stars and Polites
Jan 11 2010
Greetings friend and reader! My name is Jeremy Greenberg, and I am a stand-up comedian and writer. I will be sharing with you my two week journey to Kuwait and Iraq to entertain the troops. These entries will cover any interesting events, observations, or anything else that I think is worth sharing.
Let’s kick this off by asking the following question: What’s the difference between a Spanish couple on vacation, and an airplane full of U.S. soldiers?
To answer, let me bring you up to speed on my travel itinerary to Kuwait. I began by flying from San Diego to Washington Dulles. On that trip I sat next to a Spanish couple who spent most of the five-hour flight alternating between muffled shouting matches, and sessions of gratuitous tongue kissing. If you think it’s uncomfortable sitting next to people engaged in public displays of affection, just try it when it also appears to be part of a fight.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any weirder, the husband pulls out a portable DVD player, and starts to watch a movie with his wife. Now, I make it a point to never glance at what my neighbor is reading or working on. But in this case I couldn’t help it, because the show seemed to be primarily featuring topless naked women running around on a beach. Both the Spanish man and his wife were watching this show with the innocence of a family gathered around the Tube on Sunday night to watch The Simpsons. At least Americans have the decency to be repressed about sex. The Spanish couple was looking at these naked bodies like it was natural.
But the best (or worst) part was when the woman, thick in her accent, began complaining loudly because our part of the cabin was too warm for her liking. It wasn’t an, “Excuse me, can you turn the air on, it’s a bit toasty.” No. It was, “Are you trying to cook us! I was just up at the front and it’s not as hot up there, what’s going on?!.” From my perspective, this seemed very rude.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, the flight from D.C. to Kuwait couldn’t have been more civil. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Ninety percent of people getting on the United flight to Kuwait were big, burly soldiers wearing full battle fatigues (I think that’s what they’re called, you know, the camouflage clothes). But it was the most relaxed flight I’d had in quite some time. And talk about polite and considerate: As we were getting ready to deplane, I couldn’t seem to find my San Diego Chargers hat. Two soldiers saw me scouring the ground for it, and immediately crouched down to help me find my hat, which one of them quickly did. We chatted a bit, and it turns out that soldier is a Raiders fans. If you know anything about football, a Raiders fan handing a Chargers fan his hat is the definition of politeness.
So, the answer to the opening question is simply that an airplane full of soldiers actually knows how to be polite. I think civilians can sometimes forget what type of high-character individuals make up our armed forces. Tomorrow I get to return the favor by performing our first show in Kuwait. More then!
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Jeremy Greenberg has written for Geek Monthly, Pregnancy Magazine and The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Jokes (Alpha/Penguin). He is the author of Relative Discomfort: The Family Survival Guide (Andrews McMeel). When Jeremy’s not writing, he’s managing the development of his twin, toddler sons, agreeing with his overworked and underappreciated wife, or dodging phone calls from his weird and obnoxious relatives. Learn more at www.relativediscomfort.com
