Like everyone else, we normally wait until the end of the deployment to take a family vacation so that we have something to look forward to. However, this time around, we had to run our son up North for a five day crew camp, so we figured, why not combine it with some couple time before the deployment. That was probably one of the smartest things we’ve ever done.
I dont’ know what it’s like in your home, but our pre-deployment rituals usually revolve around driving each other absolutely batty and finding tiny things to criticize so that we can begin the whole process of pushing away from one another to make the deployment “more tolerable”. I hate to be a cliché, but after many, many deployments, it always plays out the exact same way. Time gets short and we start to nitpick at one another and get irritable. So, this time around, we took a little time out. Even the drive up was fun because who doesn’t love a roadtrip? We ate junky food, listened to bad music and actually talked. Even our teenager pried himself away from the electronics long enough to engage. I think by the time we dropped him off at camp, he was a little sorry he was going to miss out on the vacation. I’m sure he got over it quickly!
As for my husband and I, we had a great time. We didn’t do much outside of relax, eat at fabulous restaurants, read and chill, but it was so nice to do it together away from the checklists of all the things we had to get accomplished before he leaves. Since we removed ourselves from our homebase, the powers of attorney, packing, organizing and checklists would have to wait. We woke up every day without being already behind the power curve of the almighty deployment checklist. By the time we went back to pick up our son, we were happy to be heading home after a fantastic five days.
Don’t get me wrong - now that we’re back and the countdown has begun in earnest, we’re a little stressed, but fortified by our little pre-deployment vacation that served to remind us what it is that we’ll miss most during the deployment. At the end of the day, we’re each other’s best friend and it’s important to take some time out every now and then away from the kids, the chores and the routines to remember that.
A lot of people looking at that acronym for the first time probably now have visions of poultry gone bad running through their minds. The acronym actually stands for the Joint Armed Forces Officers Wives Luncheon. A little bit about the JAFOWL from the event program:
In June of 1977, the Navy Officers’ Wives’ Club contacted Art Buchwald’s office to ask if he would speak at one of its luncheons. Answering the telephone himself, Mr. Buchwald declined, saying thtat he received too many requests from military wives’ clubs. When asked, “What is all five of the clubs sponsored a joint luncheon?”, he said he would accept the invitation. The presidents of the other military officers’ wives’ clubs in the area were contacted and all agreed it was a great idea! Thus, the Joint Armed Forces Officers’ Wives’ Luncehon became an annual affair.
I know that there are other joint events around the country (I’ve attended one in the Hampton Roads area and my girlfriend, Tanya was a speaker for the one in the San Antonio area), but the one I attended today was the originating one in Washington DC. It was held at The Club at Bolling AFB and we were privileged to have the honorable Robert Gates, Secretary of Defense join us for the afternoon. He was a great speaker and obviously very committed to military families. He shared 15 minutes of prepared remarks with us and then sent away the press and spoke very candidly off camera for the next half hour. What a brave man to stand in front of over 120 military spouses and take questions off the cuff! While he didn’t make any promises on being able to answer all of our questions, he did do an admirable job of addressing everything from quality of life issues for military children to wounded warriors. We tackled everything from the troop build up in Afghanistan to the upcoming release of the transferibility rules for the Post 9-11 GI bill. Here are some highlights for you:
Please keep in mind that these are snippets as I remember (and interpret them) and shouldn’t be quoted as the Secretary’s remarks.
People wondered what it would be like when American troops pulled away from the major city centers in Iraq - would the country once again spiral into anarchy and violence or would the Iraqi security forces be able to step up to the plate. Secretary Gates was confident that the security forces would rise to the occassion and that while it may not happen seamlessly or to the level that we have come to expect with American forces, perhaps it’s more important for them to take ownership of the situation instead of having to do everything perfectly.
Secretary Gates spoke about a recent Pentagon report that noted the stressors on military children due to multiple deployments and the currents op tempo. One of the spouses in the audience remarked that she had 3 children who fall into the category of children under distress. She had just recently moved from Virginia Beach where the schools had fantastic support for military children up to Northern Virginia where she felt that the support for military children within the public school system was lacking. The Navy in the Virginia Beach area had just started hiring military liaisons to work within the schools to breed more familiarity with the issues facing military children. She wondered why military communities around the country weren’t doing the same thing. The secretary noted this. I don’t know that I necessarily agree with her blanket assessment of Northern Virginia schools. My experience has always been quite positive. I’ve always found the guidance counselors and teachers to be extremely helpful and understanding, but that might also be the luck of the draw.
There was alot of interest about the upcoming release of the post 9-11 GI bill transferibility rules. The room was a mix of spouses of Active Duty and retired spouses, so there was a lot of confusion about who would be eligible, when the eligibility would be established, etc… I keep pointing everyone to the VA webpage that has the most up to date information. (Incidentally, we’ll release information/interpretation when the regulations come out, so stay tuned.)
There was lots more, but the gist of it was that there’s a lot of great things happening for military families.
Today’s event was the 31st JAFOWL and the third time I’ve attended one. Last year, Lee Woodruff spoke. The year before that it was General Pace. It’s always a great time, a wonderful opportunity to meet spouses from the other services, so if you’re ever in an area where they have one, I would highly recommend you attend and see for yourself. As an aside, some of these ladies have been going to the events for years (two years ago, I met friends who had been attending together for the past 19 years, first as active duty spouses then later as spouses of retired service members) - and they view this as a real occasion, so the fashion show is something that is not to be missed - very reminiscent of what I imagine the spouse clubs were like in the 50’s and 60’s. I’m geeky enough to really enjoy that stroll down memory lane.
So, I was watching the drama packed [read scandalous] season premiere of Army Wives when it occured to me that civilians watching the show must think it’s way over the top. They probably dismiss some of the scenarios as improbable. But, little do they know, that those dramas don’t just play themselves out on the small screen.
After all, how many military families do you know within your own circles who have lived apart because of different circumstances. Okay, so it may not be because their underage daughter is trying to marry a soldier, but I know plenty of families who have let mom or dad move on ahead while the family stayed behind to finish off the school year so that the kids didn’t have to move in the middle of a critical year.
Civilians might scoff at the possibility that poor Frank would find out about his wife’s indiscretions from a fellow soldier over in the desert, but little do they know about the power of the spouse network. I remember a story one of our friends told us about the time her husband was TDY to Panama (ages and ages ago). The crew was down at the beach when they noticed a woman who was under the weather and vomitting. Ever chivalrous, her husband helped the woman back to her room. After he got her settled in, he figured his day was shot anyway, so returned to his hotel room to check in with his family. When he finally got through on the phone, my friend’s first question to him was, “So what is this that I hear about you heading off to a hotel room with some drunken woman?” In the time it had taken him to help the woman to her room, one of the other crew members had already called his wife, who had called my girlfriend to “fill her in”. Civilians may question the probability of getting “bad” news in the middle of the desert with questionable connectivity, but military spouses know better.
And Denise, facing swirling rumours about her infidelity, being confronted by her friends and then being turned away from the home of her best friend, literally left out in the cold…. would civilians view that as callous? Could they possibly understand how conflicted even best friends can become when faced with infidelities or any transgression that might split the focus of the deployed servicemember?
Do you think civilians get it? At our symposium in Virginia Beach, Tanya Biank who is the author of Army Wives invoked Alfred Hitchcock who said, “Movies are like real life with the boring parts taken out.” When asked by someone in the audience if she really thought the show did a good job of portraying our lives, Tanya had a great line, “A drama can’t be a drama unless there’s drama.” I thought of that when I was watching the show, because underneath the drama of a lifetime soap opera, there were kernels of our military lives. I’m excited about the upcoming season…..
I just finished up doing an interview for Military Advanced Education Magazine. As I was going through all the programs and resources for miltiary spouses and dependents, I realized I was holding out on my blog pals. So, here you go, the rundown on some resources you may or may not already know about:
First of all, MyCAA for spouses. The program offering a $6000 lifetime amount for military spouses pursuing education toward a degree that will help them identify and pursue portable careers has been expanded. For more information and to get started, go to www.militaryonesource.om. You’ll have to register and determine eligibility first, but then you should have no problem getting to a counselor to start down the path of achieving your educational goals.
We’re all hearing a lot about the post 9-11 GI Bill….and for good reason. With tranferability, it has tremendous implications for military dependents. The transferibility regulations won’t be released until August 1st, but applications are now being accepted. Remember that the GI bill will provide a certain of amount of money, but depending on the school you choose, it’s not guaranteed to cover all the costs of college, you should still look into starting or continuing other college savings - don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
Now, how about the Servicemembers Opportunity Colleges (SOC)….do you know about that? It is a consortium of more than 1800 colleges and universities that provide educational opportunities for servicemembers and their families. Pursuing an degree through participating schools makes it easier for folks to transfer credits as they move from installation to installation. For more information on the program, consult your installation education center.
Now, if you’re just starting to look at going back to school, or if your kids are in high school and the SATs or ACTs are looming in front of them, consider the eKnowledge and NFL program that makes free SAT/ACT test prep programs available to all military service members, veterans and dependents. The software is free, you pay only for shipping and handling. Since it’s inception, the program has given out over $20,000,000 worth of products to military families.
In addition to the educational programs available to support military families, there’s also a lot going on at the policy level. Just a couple things of note:
this month, the in-state tuition and continuity rates for military dependents will be mandated in all states, and
as mentioned earlier, next month, the regulations regarding transferability of the post 9-11 GI bill be released. (August is the anticipated release date.) You’ll be able to find those details at the VA website.
You may or may not be aware of this, but one of your greatest advocates (in addition to MOAA, of course) is the DoD State Liaison Office whose regional coordinators tirelessly work key military family quality of life issues at the state level. They were instrumental in pushing through in-state tuition on a state by state case and have now taken on the Interstate Compact on Educational Opportunity for Military Children. This Compact seeks to “provide a vehicle for states to follow common guidelines in handling issues that impact children of military families as they transition between schools”. They want to standardize things such as: records transfer, immunization requirements, graduation requirements, exit testing, etc…. There are currently 21 states participating. If you want to see if your state is one of those participating, go to their website.
A Department of Defense program offering up to $6000 in assistance to military spouses for educational and training purposes is being expanded. This is not the same program as the old Department of Labor pilot program. The new initiative encompasses a broader field of disciplines. There are already over approved 600 schools on the website.
The program is open to spouses of active-duty or activated National Guard or Reserve military members. According to a recent Navy Times article, spouses of Coast Guard members deployed with the Navy are also eligible.
Spouses who would like additional information, view a list of FAQs or apply should go to the website. Even though the Spouse Career Advancement Account Financial Assistance program has not yet officially launched, you can still go online and enroll.
Government Relations Director Col. Steve Strobridge (USAF-Ret) represented MOAA at a May 28 White House meeting of association leaders with First Lady Michelle Obama and a host of senior Administration officials and their spouses to share ideas on improving support for military families.
With Mrs. Obama’s emphasis on military family quality of life issues, it was a wonderful opportunity to speak candidly about the stressors and challenges facing military families in light of the current op tempo. This is the first of many meetings to take place….we’ll follow closely and let you know what comes out of it.
Did you know that The Bachelor, Andy Baldwin is on Twitter? So are Anderson Cooper, Ashton Kutcher and Jay Leno. It’s not that surprising to find celebrities on Twitter, but how about: the Army, the Navy, the Air Force, the Military Child Education Coalition and Blue Star Families? It doesn’t matter who or what you’re looking for, it’s right there on Twitter.
I’m somewhat technologically challenged, so I’m still finding my way around. But, my compulsive personality won’t allow me to stop at just 5 minutes of poking around. It started innocently enough…following friends. Then, it expanded into checking out who they were following. Can you even imagine my excitement the first time I logged in to find that people I didn’t even know were following me because I had listed myself on the wefollow twitter directory under: #militarywife #militaryspouse #airforcespouse. Since then, it’s taken on a life of its own. I’m finding lots of interesting information on military spouses, deployments and resources. Another great avenue for researching the latest gouge.
A kind co-worker taught me about hash tags and re-tweets. The possibilities are endless. And don’t even get me started about Follow Fridays. In case you’re interested, check it out www.twitter.com. Follow me if you like @slhoppin. Let me know what you think.
It seems like the time is just flying by. I know we found out about the upcoming deployment a couple months ago, but things have been so crazy busy around home and at work that it seems like it was yesterday. Before we knew it, the months had flown by and it’s now right around the corner. Not a big deal, but I don’t think any of us had really processed that it was happening until we started to plan summer travel.
I have to go speak at a conference in July and started to book airline tickets when my husband reminded me that I’d be returning the day he deployed. That’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks. July is just right around the corner. When did that happen?
Going through the checklists in my mind, I’m a little overwhelmed. There’s not enough time to get everything done before he leaves again. Just because he’s been back from Pakistan for over a year and a half doesn’t mean he’s been home. Between his training and TDY’s, he’s probably been gone half the time. I think we kept putting things off because I wasn’t prepared to take on the tasks by myself and then whenever he was home, he was too busy working to get around to it.
So now that we’re down to a month and a half, the frenzy starts….replace the heater (because even though it’s 83 degrees outside, I’m not going to feel like dealing with it when it’s freezing cold in December); get the cars serviced while he’s still here to help; update the wills, IDs, POAs, car decals, etc…. The list is endless and thinking about it with the time ticking down in the back of my mind stresses me out. This is not different than the other deployments we’ve weathered in the past, but for some reason, just thinking about it this time is enough to make me long for some rest while there’s still time. Maybe it’s because I’m wondering if I store up my rest and relaxation now, will it be enough to fortify me when I’m a sleep-deprived single parent again dealing with a surly teenager who will begin driving and dating while dad’s away. Wishful thinking.
We all know that every deployment comes with its special challenges; you’d just think that after all these years, I’d be a little better at it. Maybe I know a little more, but I don’t think they’ll ever get easier.
I was researching laptops last night and happened to type “military…discount…apple…mac” into the search engine and up popped information on an Apple discount for military and government employees. For some reason in the back of my mind, I was convinced they gave us a 6% percent discount, but happily, I am wrong. The discount is actually up to 17% and if your purchase is over $50, you get free shipping. Not a bad deal considering I have to buy a new laptop anyway. Every little bit helps!
Did you know that in addition to the Memorial Day ceremonies that occur here in the United States, there are ceremonies taking place around the globe? ” Programs usually include participation by the U.S. Ambassador to the host country, a reading of the President’s Memorial Day Proclamation, speakers, the presentation of the National Colors, wreath laying ceremonies, and military bands and units.” I think the most memorable Memorial Day Ceremony we ever attended was at the Lorraine American Cemetery and Memorial outside the little town of St. Avold, France.
We were stationed at Ramstein AB in Germany at the time and rallied several families from the squadron to caravan out to St. Avold because we felt it was important that our kids understood the importance of Memorial Day. They grumbled and groaned, but we stuffed them into the cars and off we went.
When we parked at the cemetery, we were met with displays of various transport vehicles from different periods of history with folks dressed in the uniforms of the time. The kids mugged for pictures and began to appreciate that the day might be okay after all. We picnicked on the lawns and then ventured inside the cemetery for the ceremony.
The transition in the kids’ demeanors was palpable. Silence and awe descended on all of us as the rows of American tombstones decorated with both the American and French flags came into sight. A huge crowd had gathered, but we managed to find space among all the guests who were gathered for the ceremony. There were alot of speakers that day, but the one who stood out was General Meigs (USA, Ret) who at the time was serving as the Commanding General of U.S. Army Europe. The location was especially meaningful to him because he has family buried there. He delievered his poignant remarks first in English and then turned around and did it in flawless French. I remember the tears running down the faces of the folks there who were children when the Americans came through to liberate them - incredibly moving. The rest of the day was spent walking amongst the graves and viewing the tributes. We all shook countless hands and spoke to multitudes of grateful people. I think to the people assembled there, we represented American families serving around the globe in defense of democracy. They weren’t seeing our families, but rather the families of those who had fallen on foreign soil protecting their freedoms, some of those who were buried right there in Lorraine. They had not forgotten and continue to come in droves to participate in the Memorial Day services to show their respect.
Memorial Day ceremonies such as those will be taking place around the country and the world this weekend. In the midst of the family barbecues and the shopping, please take a moment to remember those who have served and given the ultimate sacrifice. It doesn’t seem adequate, but the White House Commission on Remembrance is asking that all Americans share a moment of silence on Sunday afternoon at 3PM to recognize the sacrifices of those who have served and honor those who continue to serve.
