Making it in the MilLife

A lot of people looking at that acronym for the first time probably now have visions of poultry gone bad running through their minds.  The acronym actually stands for the Joint Armed Forces Officers Wives Luncheon.  A little bit about the JAFOWL from the event program:

In June of 1977, the Navy Officers’ Wives’ Club contacted Art Buchwald’s office to ask if he would speak at one of its luncheons.  Answering the telephone himself, Mr. Buchwald declined, saying thtat he received too many requests from military wives’ clubs.  When asked, “What is all five of the clubs sponsored a joint luncheon?”, he said he would accept the invitation.  The presidents of the other military officers’ wives’ clubs in the area were contacted and all agreed it was a great idea!  Thus, the Joint Armed Forces Officers’ Wives’ Luncehon became an annual affair.

I know that there are other joint events around the country (I’ve attended one in the Hampton Roads area and my girlfriend, Tanya was a speaker for the one in the San Antonio area), but the one I attended today was the originating one in Washington DC.  It was held at The Club at Bolling AFB and we were privileged to have the honorable Robert Gates, Secretary of Defense join us for the afternoon.  He was a great speaker and obviously very committed to military families.  He shared 15 minutes of prepared remarks with us and then sent away the press and spoke very candidly off camera for the next half hour.  What a brave man to stand in front of over 120 military spouses and take questions off the cuff!  While he didn’t make any promises on being able to answer all of our questions, he did do an admirable job of addressing everything from quality of life issues for military children to wounded warriors.  We tackled everything from the troop build up in Afghanistan to the upcoming release of the transferibility rules for the Post 9-11 GI bill.  Here are some highlights for you:

Please keep in mind that these are snippets as I remember (and interpret them) and shouldn’t be quoted as the Secretary’s remarks. 

• People wondered what it would be like when American troops pulled away from the major city centers in Iraq – would the country once again spiral into anarchy and violence or would the Iraqi security forces be able to step up to the plate.  Secretary Gates was confident that the security forces would rise to the occassion and that while it may not happen seamlessly or to the level that we have come to expect with American forces, perhaps it’s more important for them to take ownership of the situation instead of having to do everything perfectly. 
• Secretary Gates spoke about a recent Pentagon report that noted the stressors on military children due to multiple deployments and the currents op tempo.  One of the spouses in the audience remarked that she had 3 children who fall into the category of children under distress.  She had just recently moved from Virginia Beach where the schools had fantastic support for military children up to Northern Virginia where she felt that the support for military children within the public school system was lacking.  The Navy in the Virginia Beach area had just started hiring military liaisons to work within the schools to breed more familiarity with the issues facing military children.  She wondered why military communities around the country weren’t doing the same thing.  The secretary noted this.  I don’t know that I necessarily agree with her blanket assessment of Northern Virginia schools.  My experience has always been quite positive.  I’ve always found the guidance counselors and teachers to be extremely helpful and understanding, but that might also be the luck of the draw.
• There was alot of interest about the upcoming release of the post 9-11 GI bill transferibility rules.  The room was a mix of spouses of Active Duty and retired spouses, so there was a lot of confusion about who would be eligible, when the eligibility would be established, etc…  I keep pointing everyone to the VA webpage that has the most up to date information.  (Incidentally, we’ll release information/interpretation when the regulations come out, so stay tuned.)

There was lots more, but the gist of it was that there’s a lot of great things happening for military families. 

Today’s event was the 31st JAFOWL and the third time I’ve attended one.  Last year, Lee Woodruff spoke.  The year before that it was General Pace.  It’s always a great time, a wonderful opportunity to meet spouses from the other services, so if you’re ever in an area where they have one, I would highly recommend you attend and see for yourself.  As an aside, some of these ladies have been going to the events for years (two years ago, I met friends who had been attending together for the past 19 years, first as active duty spouses then later as spouses of retired service members) – and they view this as a real occasion, so the fashion show is something that is not to be missed – very reminiscent of what I imagine the spouse clubs were like in the 50′s and 60′s.  I’m geeky enough to really enjoy that stroll down memory lane.

So, I was watching the drama packed [read scandalous] season premiere of Army Wives when it occured to me that civilians watching the show must think it’s way over the top.  They probably dismiss some of the scenarios as improbable.  But, little do they know, that those dramas don’t just play themselves out on the small screen. 

• After all, how many military families do you know within your own circles who have lived apart because of different circumstances.  Okay, so it may not be because their underage daughter is trying to marry a soldier, but I know plenty of families who have let mom or dad move on ahead while the family stayed behind to finish off the school year so that the kids didn’t have to move in the middle of a critical year.
• Civilians might scoff at the possibility that poor Frank would find out about his wife’s indiscretions from a fellow soldier over in the desert, but little do they know about the power of the spouse network.  I remember a story one of our friends told us about the time her husband was TDY to Panama (ages and ages ago).  The crew was down at the beach when they noticed a woman who was under the weather and vomitting.  Ever chivalrous, her husband helped the woman back to her room.  After he got her settled in, he figured his day was shot anyway, so returned to his hotel room to check in with his family.  When he finally got through on the phone, my friend’s first question to him was, “So what is this that I hear about you heading off to a hotel room with some drunken woman?”  In the time it had taken him to help the woman to her room, one of the other crew members had already called his wife, who had called my girlfriend to “fill her in”.  Civilians may question the probability of getting “bad” news in the middle of the desert with questionable connectivity, but military spouses know better.
• And Denise, facing swirling rumours about her infidelity, being confronted by her friends and then being turned away from the home of her best friend, literally left out in the cold…. would civilians view that as callous?  Could they possibly understand how conflicted even best friends can become when faced with infidelities or any transgression that might split the focus of the deployed servicemember? 

Do you think civilians get it?  At our symposium in Virginia Beach, Tanya Biank who is the author of Army Wives invoked Alfred Hitchcock who said, “Movies are like real life with the boring parts taken out.”  When asked by someone in the audience if she really thought the show did a good job of portraying our lives, Tanya had a great line, “A drama can’t be a drama unless there’s drama.”  I thought of that when I was watching the show, because underneath the drama of a lifetime soap opera, there were kernels of our military lives.  I’m excited about the upcoming season…..