Making it in the MilLife

My husband and I went to college together; we have two kids and have endured a deployment that resulted in an injury. It hasn’t been easy. That’s why we took advantage of a free weekend in Montauk, NY through the Army’s Strong Bonds program. I didn’t expect much. I mean, this is the Army that set his deployment date on Mother’s Day. How much could this organization possibly know about building strong marriages?

The three-day event was held at a charming Cape Cod-ish setting. A resort on the water, great food, plenty of free time and military couples who have been through everything we’ve been through. It was a chance to get away, learn or reaffirm some good tools and enjoy your spouse without the distractions of work, kids or bills. The instructors were couples; chaplains and licensed counselors. They were young, yet experienced. Funny, real and yet professional. They taught us how to listen, how to problem solve and actually helped us practice those techniques, which, yes, felt a little cheesy sometimes. Plus Certified Financial Planners and Military Family Life Consultants were on hand. Totally anonymous. Totally free. They didn’t even write down names or take notes. They were just there to listen and help. We talked to the CFP and feel confident about paying off our second mortgage and boosting our emergency savings fund. (There was also live music, games and – to my husband’s delight – an, *ahem*, military friendly bartender on the premises

The best part was getting to meet other military couples.  Talking to those who have been through similar experiences was uplifting and created a bond that I haven’t felt since my husband deployed and I spent most of my time with battle buddies who were going through the same thing. (Dominka and Monika, miss you ladies already!)

The unique part of this program is we talked specifically about separations and deployments. In one exercise, instructors posted large sheets of paper to the walls of the room. One area for service members who had deployed; one for spouses of those members; one for those who had NOT deployed and one for their spouses as well. We were asked to write down the things we wanted to say to our spouse about the deployment, but hadn’t or couldn’t. Music played, the lights were dimmed and we got real. It felt good to really think about what you wanted to say, and to read what others wrote. To see that we’re not alone in this journey as a military family; our ambivelance towards deployments (those who hadn’t gone felt guilty AND glad), our struggle to share emotions and confusion over why in the world some of them want to go back! It’s all  normal

Sometimes we get caught up in pointing out the problems in the military and not the solutions we appreciate. I encourage you to check out Strong Bonds and if you get something out of it, tell our leadership. These are the programs the need to keep being funded. www.strongbonds.org

Happy Memorial Day!

Best,

Monique

L-R: Stephanie Himmel-Nelson, Monique Rizer and Vivian Greentree after Vivian receives NewsChannel 3's amazing military spouse award

I felt a little like Oprah as I walked a stunned Vivian Greentree to the stage to receive her plaque and flowers at the 2010 Military Spouse Symposium last week.

Vivian was honored by Bianca Martinez, who was one of our panel moderators and is a military spouse and anchor on WTKR NewsChannel 3, as part of the station’s month long tribute to amazing milspouses. It feels so good to acknowledge the hard work of a military spouse, because we all know how tough it is sometimes. And though we don’t seek recognition it is nice to give it when it’s due, so congrats Vivian!

Earlier that day we held a lively discussion during our Social Media in the Military panel and, for the first time, included spouses from across the country by taking questions from Twitter (#moaaspouse10) and broadcasting the event live. You can check out the archives of the event at www.moaa.org/livestream. One spouse living on the west coast woke up at 6AM to catch the 9AM live broadcast from Virginia Beach. Stay tuned because you’re going to see many more live webstreamed events at MOAA.

My favorite bit from the panel was about how much more of a voice we have when we connect in the virtual world. For example, a Facebook page sprung from the MyCAA shutdown and now more than 2,700 fans have gathered to share information and advocate for full reinstatement of the program.

We also urged senior leaders to use social media to be more accessible to service members and families. Admiral and Mrs. Mullen both have Twitter accounts, and they actually update them. There are more than 300 official DoD Twitter accounts, and more than 680 Facebook pages! I know, because I counted them all on the official list .  Find it on our Facebook page www.facebook.com/moaaspouse

I was thrilled to hear about family readiness leaders who had already incorporated virtual FRGs. That was just taking root when I was an FRG leader during my husband’s 2005-2006 deployment. The audience was excited about the possibilities of reaching family members who couldn’t travel to meetings and asked how to keep the information secure. One way to achieve this, said Chrisi West, MOAA web manager, is to create a Facebook group (not a Facebook page), and limit members to invite only. That way you decide who gets in and sees the information on your group site.

Our resident financial planner, Phil Dyer, had the audience’s full attention discussing ways to leverage the Post-9/11 GI Bill, what’s going on with MyCAA, and the Federal Military Spouse Hiring Authority. Check out “5 Simple Secrets to Maximizing Your Post-9/11 GI Bill”  along with several other resources mentioned at the event.

We ended the panel discussions with Andi, Ruthie and Kate from SpouseBUZZ. They made us laugh, they made us think – and they made us cry laughing as they discussed the civilian/military connection and Ruthie’s crazy Russian mother-in-law. You just have to watch to understand…

Thanks to everyone who attended in person and over the web. What would you like to see next year?