Spouse Blog

At a recent conference held by NIH, DoD, and the VA, it was apparent that people are beginning to understand that the [mental] health of the family and the service member are interrelated. You can’t care for the individual without caring about and taking care of families and caregivers.  To a military spouse, this seems so intuitive that I had to remind myself that I was in an auditorium full of practioners who need to hear statements like that.  After all, how effective can they be in their jobs if they don’t understand the framework within which they work to effectively support military families?

BG Sutton, the Director of the Defense Centers of Excellence did a great job of charting the course for the day that would follow, charging the audience with the task of working together to identify knowledge gaps and work together to close them.  Mrs. Patti Shinseki followed sharing vignettes of her life with General Shinseki to set the stage for the doctors and scientists in understanding military families. Gen Shinseki was wounded early on his career and headed out of the Army when he received word that as pilot program, the Army was allowing Wounded Warriors to stay in.  She shared powerfully compelling memories of their lives together and impressed upon everyone present that families are critical/crucial factor of the force and addressed some of the issues we all face, “Myth that subsequent separations/deployments get easier is just a myth…it doesn’t get easier.”  Mrs. Shinseki closed with a discussion of the Military Child Education Coalition’s Living in the New Normal initiative: Helping Children Thrive through Good and Challenging Times.

The day started strong and never faltered.  We were treated to a day of incredible presentations by leaders in their field.  It was borderline information overload, but after 9 hours of back to back presentations and breakout sessions, I came away with some significant takeaways.

• There is a shift in deployment from occasional to continuous events.  It’s widely recognized that it is now a matter of “when” you deploy as opposed to “if”.
• Many studies out there studying the corrosive impact of stress due to multiple deployments during wartime.
• No studies of impact on infants and toddlers, only anecdotal information.
• Very little info on impact of children due to injury of parent during wartime.
• Military families are not homogenous, Dr. Cozza encourages differentiating groups further depending on experience.
• Dr. Cozza is from the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress
• Very little info on impact of children due to injury of parent during wartime.
• For children of wounded warriors, self concept of “idealized parent image” is challenged.
• Trauma response is a process, not an event. It has to be constantly monitored
• Learned more information about a Millenium Cohort Study centered around long term health in light of exposure to military concerns and deployments.
• Millenium Cohort Study on spouses and stress launching 2010. Anticipate report out to DoD by 2012.
• The VA is shifting it’s mission: Focusing on Families and Caregivers of Veterans with Trauma.
• VA’s purchased 200,000 copies of Talk, Listen and Connect for distribution to VA centers nationwide.
• Marriage and family counseling has been added to services for family members of all veterans eligible for VA care.
• Information on VA’s changing population – more than 212,000 females have been deployed during OIF/OEF.
• Half of the troops deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan come from Guard/Reserve community
• VA’s also doing work on stigma as a barrier to getting mental health care.
• Dr.Chandra briefed the RAND/NMFA study- effects of deployment on military children
  • Military children are faring at or above US average on academic engagement, peer relationships
  • Military children are functioning below average in areas of family relationships, anxiety and emotional difficulties.
  • Girls report more anxiety symptoms. Anxiety problems decrease among older children.
  • Re: effects of deployments…girls worry about next deployment, dealing w/parents’ mood swings & worry about how parents are getting along.
  • As months of deployment increase, so do the challenges. Total # months matter more than # of deployments
  • Re: children, deployments and resilience – mental health of non- deployed parent matters
• Information shared regarding reserve component perspectives and transition from weekend warriors to operational force and challenges associated with that
  • 1.1 million troops in reserve components. Average age is 38
  • 50% are married. Most live in communities far away from military installations.
  • Reserve component is juggling 2 careers…how do you meet the demands of 2 employers?
  • Employers are being stressed by deployments as well.
  • Instantaneous communication is a double edged sword when you’re out in the field worried about family at home.
  • Challenge – how do you provide effective services to a geographically dispersed force?
• Air Force pediatrician, Dr. (Maj) Flake spoke about recognizing and responding to child stress.
  • Deployments aren’t going away. How do we make them stepping stones instead of stumbling blocks?
  • 71% of AD servicemembers with children plan on staying in until retirement
  • Resource for teens – Military Youth Coping with Separation: When Family Members Deploy.

There is so much more to share, but perhaps this is a good place to stop.  We’ve been told that the presentations from the conference will be shared on the DCOE website, so keep checking back.  All in all, it was a day well spent learning more about all the initiatives going on out there to support military families.

On October 24th, MOAA will be hosting a Military Spouse Symposium in Coronado, California in conjunction with our Annual Meeting. The topic is: “Leading on the Homefront: the Evolving Role of Spouses in Today’s Military”.  Here is the description of the panel:

Today’s heightened ops tempo and the stressors associated with back to back deployments make it difficult for some to reconcile the needs of their families with the needs of the military.  When the All Volunteer Force was first conceived in the 1970’s, the makeup of the military was quite different than what we see today.  Resources and support programs designed to support service members and their families were engineered centered around life on a military installation.  Today, the demands of the military lifestyle are no less challenging, yet the military demographic shows that more than half of service members are married, males make up between 6 to 10 percent of the miltiary spouse community (depending on service), more than 69 percent of military spouses are either working or seeking work and roughly 70 percent of military families live off of the installation.  With this panel, we want to evaluate the military’s ability to keep up with this cultural shift.  Additionally, given this new set of challenges – how do organizations like MOAA reach out to support military families in the All-Volunteer Force?

We have invited six military spouses from different branches of service as well as the Army Reserve to share their experiences and insights on the programs available to support military spouses and families.  Their background ranges from the spouse of an NCO to spouses of Flag officers.  We’ll have the male spouse perspective represented as well as insights from spouses delivering family support for geographically dispersed populations.  The panel is fairly representative of our military spouse population.  My question is this: if you had an opportunity to share your insights, what would you say about your own experiences?  Where are the gaps in services?  If you had to pick one program to hold up as a gold standard for something that works well (it doesn’t have to be a military program or resource), what would it be?  How do you feel that your role as a spouse has changed in this era of persistent conflict and heightened op tempo?  And finally, if you could ask the panelists a question about spouses and today’s military, what would it be?   

I just finished up doing an interview for Military Advanced Education Magazine.  As I was going through all the programs and resources for miltiary spouses and dependents, I realized I was holding out on my blog pals.  So, here you go, the rundown on some resources you may or may not already know about:

• First of all, MyCAA for spouses.  The program offering a $6000 lifetime amount for military spouses pursuing education toward a degree that will help them identify and pursue portable careers has been expanded.  For more information and to get started, go to www.militaryonesource.om.  You’ll have to register and determine eligibility first, but then you should have no problem getting to a counselor to start down the path of achieving your educational goals.
• We’re all hearing a lot about the post 9-11 GI Bill….and for good reason.  With tranferability, it has tremendous implications for military dependents.  The transferibility regulations won’t be released until August 1st, but applications are now being accepted.  Remember that the GI bill will provide a certain of amount of money, but depending on the school you choose, it’s not guaranteed to cover all the costs of college, you should still look into starting or continuing other college savings – don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
• Now, how about the Servicemembers Opportunity Colleges (SOC)….do you know about that?  It is a consortium of more than 1800 colleges and universities that provide educational opportunities for servicemembers and their families.  Pursuing an degree through participating schools makes it easier for folks to transfer credits as they move from installation to installation.  For more information on the program, consult your installation education center.  

Now, if you’re just starting to look at going back to school, or if your kids are in high school and the SATs or ACTs are looming in front of them, consider the eKnowledge and NFL program that makes free SAT/ACT test prep programs available to all military service members, veterans and dependents.  The software is free, you pay only for shipping and handling.  Since it’s inception, the program has given out over $20,000,000 worth of products to military families.

In addition to the educational programs available to support military families, there’s also a lot going on at the policy level.  Just a couple things of note:

• this month, the in-state tuition and continuity rates for military dependents will be mandated in all states, and
• as mentioned earlier, next month, the regulations regarding transferability of the post 9-11 GI bill be released.  (August is the anticipated release date.) You’ll be able to find those details at the VA website. 

You may or may not be aware of this, but one of your greatest advocates (in addition to MOAA, of course) is the DoD State Liaison Office whose regional coordinators tirelessly work key military family quality of life issues at the state level.  They were instrumental in pushing through in-state tuition on a state by state case and have now taken on the Interstate Compact on Educational Opportunity for Military Children.  This Compact seeks to “provide a vehicle for states to follow common guidelines in handling issues that impact children of military families as they transition between schools”.  They want to standardize things such as: records transfer, immunization requirements, graduation requirements, exit testing, etc….  There are currently 21 states participating.  If you want to see if your state is one of those participating, go to their website.

I was researching laptops last night and happened to type “military…discount…apple…mac” into the search engine and up popped information on an Apple discount for military and government employees. For some reason in the back of my mind, I was convinced they gave us a 6% percent discount, but happily, I am wrong. The discount is actually up to 17% and if your purchase is over $50, you get free shipping. Not a bad deal considering I have to buy a new laptop anyway. Every little bit helps!

It’s hard to believe that we have another symposium behind us.  What a great time it was!  We had a great turnout and people were furiously jotting down notes during Phil’s Military and Financial Benefits presentation.  Just goes to show that regardless of where people may be in their lives and careers, there’s always something new to learn out there!

After Phil’s presentation, Doc Finch took the stage and wowed us all with his insights into the traits and quirks that make our service member spouses so unique.  From there, it was lunch and the Heroes at Home presentation to winner, Michelle Galvez.  The day was already flying by.  While everyone was at lunch, I squeezed in some interviews with Navy News Media on the importance of providing such forums for military spouses to share experiences, network and learn from one another. 

We barely had time to thank the sailors for their coverage and support of the event before everyone began filing back from lunch.   We were ready for them though.  Our afternoon panel was entitled, “Culture Clash: Military Spouses and the Media”.  We had assembled a talented group of spouses to address the perception of military spouses and who is shaping it.  Joining me on stage were: Sarah Smiley, Tanya Biank and Laura Dempsey.  It was a spirited discussion about the challenges faced by these trailblazers, the perceptions they fought against and what they learned about the disconnect between military spouses and the rest of society.  I thought surely there was no way to top the panel…..until we headed out to the networking reception.  How fun it was meeting everyone and introducing people to one another.  I’m always amazed at the connections that occur at these events.  Once again, the symposium did not dissapoint and it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that we were already scheming for next year’s event on the drive back to Northen Virginia! 

We’ll have the pictures up soon, but for now, check out the coverage of the event. 

Hope you guys can join us!

The folks at Sesame Street are at it again.  The same folks who brought you the Talk, Listen, Connect initiative and last year’s When Parents are Deployed special with Cuba Gooding, Jr., have a new project on the horizon.  Entitled Coming Home: Military Families Cope with Change, this latest production takes on the issue of families welcoming home injured service members.

From the press release:

” Featuring Queen Latifah, John Mayer and Elmo, this half-hour HD program tells stories of service members who return home with injuries, visible and invisible, and explores the heroic struggles their families face in discovering a new way of finding a ‘new normal’.  The special, which premieres in conjunction with April as the Month of the Military Child, salutes the extraordinary courage and strength of these military families and offers the general public a powerful glimpse into what they often must endure.”

The special will premiere on PBS April 1st at 8pm ET/PT (check your local listings). 

If you’re anywhere along the Eastern seabord, I hope you already have this year’s Spouse Symposium on your calendar.   It’s coming around a little earlier this year and will be taking place on Thursday, May 14th at the Virginia Beach Convention Center.  The presentations and panels have always been great, but, I’m particularly excited about two of our sessions….

Back by popular demand, MAJ Art Finch (PhD) will be sharing his insights with us on the traits that make our service member spouses so unique and why we may not always understand them.  I Love You, but You’re Driving Me Crazy was the opening for our panel on Building Strong Military Marriages last year.  When Art took the stage, everyone was riveted.  The other panelists were riveted – they were peeved with me for making them follow Art.  No one wanted him to get off the stage.  I think they would have gladly listened to him for the rest of the day.  Everytime I peeked out at the audience, everyone’s heads were nodding, people were either smiling or laughing hysterically.  This year, we’re going to give everyone what they want and give Art his own time slot.  This presentation alone is why you shouldn’t miss this year’s event. 

But, if you need another reason, how about our afternoon panel entitled: Culture Clash – Military Spouses and the Media.  Sarah Smiley, the author of Going Overboard, the Misadventures of a Military Wife; Tanya Biank, author of Army Wives and consultant to the Lifetime series of the same name; and Laura Dempsey, co-founder of Blue Star Families will be joining us along with other panelists to discuss how military spouses are being portrayed in the media, what’s the perception and who’s shaping it.

We will once again be honoring the Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year during our luncheon.  This is always a moving tribute to the contributions of military spouses to the mission.  This year’s speaker is slated to be Admiral Michael Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.  In addition to what we’ve outlined here, you should stay tuned because we may have some additional surprises in store for you….

To register for the symposium, call 1 (888) 834-6622 M-F between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m..  For more information or to register online, go to www.moaa.org/spousesymposium or e-mail me at moaaspouse@moaa.org. 

“People are idiots and I can prove it.”

“Figure out what hurts and stop doing it.”

“Stop raising stupid children.”

These are just some of the zingers bellowed out by Larry Winget at yesterday’s Financial Readiness Roadshow.  Some of you may have heard of Larry.  He’s a motivational speaker and the author of several best-sellers including, “Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get a Life”, “You’re Broke Because You Want to Be” and “It’s Called Work for a Reason.”  His straightforward style makes him a media darling (they never know what’s going to come out of his mouth next) – he’s appeared everywhere from FOX, CNN, Larry King Live, CNBC, The Today Show (just to name a few).  His own website has this to say, “He is caustic, straight-forward, never minces words, hilarious and offers solid advice for improving your life and your business.”  As a military spouse, he’s not the kind of guy I’m used to seeing in a base theater giving a financial presentation!  He’s bold, brash and incredibly abbrasive, but wow, we were all riveted as he led over a hundred of us through simple steps to a better financial outlook. 

Who among us isn’t looking for more money to fund retirement, savings, children’s college funds, etc….?  Fortunately for all of us, the DoD is partnering with installations around the world to put on Financial Readiness Roadshows.  These roadshows are a one-day event putting nationally acclaimed speakers in front of military audiences to teach them about every possible aspect of financial literacy.  I’m not going to lie to you….9 hours is an awfully long time to be fed information by firehose, but some of it does manage to seep in and stick with you.  If you don’t have 9 hours to dedicate, pick and choose the sessions you want to attend.  My experience was people came in and out as their schedules permitted. 

Yesterday’s event at Andrews AFB consisted of 4 general sessions: John Sileo speaking about Identity Theft: Think Like a Spy….Bulletproofing your Identity,  the director of education from Experion speaking about The Truths and Myths of Credit Reports, a Military & Family Life Consultant speaking about Taking Complete Control of Your Finances and finally, Larry Winget.  After the last general session, we could choose from a variety of breakout sessions ranging from: strategies for homebuying, foreclusure prevention to retirement savings.  I decided to brush up on Financial Planning for Deployment. 

All the sessions were fair to excellent and as keynote speakers, John Sileo and Larry Winget were phenomenal.   You’re bound to walk away with a lot of information and tools to help with your financial goals.  More than that, I’d be surprised if a single person walked out of those sessions yesterday without a plan to change their lives in some way.  As Larry Winget said so eloquently, “If you have the information, you’re obligated to do something about it.” 

The Military Homefront website lists the schedule of Financial Readiness Roadshows.  I’m sure there’s one coming to an installation near you.  I encourage you to check it out.   

Happy New Year, everyone!  Is it just me or did you all have a difficult time dragging yourselves back to work/school/normal life?  Although, around here in the DC area, we have a ways to go before we’re back to normal life. 

The Obamas arrived in town over the weekend and the countdown to the inauguration has officially started.  I’d heard rumours that all the hotel rooms in town were sold out, but then heard conflicting rumours that previous estimates of 5 million visitors to descend on the metro area were greatly exaggerated.   Having a home here and a place to lay my head, I wasn’t too worried about it – it doesn’t really affect us.  However, I started noticing a trend since the beginning of the year.  More and more of my Facebook friends have statuses that are beginning to read something like,  ”John Q Smith is looking for a nice friend who might have a few spare feet of space for 2 reliable friends to lay down sleeping bags during the inauguration.”  It seems everyone wants to be part of history. 

That’s why I was so pleased to read the other day that of the 10 official inaugural balls, one (the Commander in Chief Ball) will be for military members and their families.  Information is still coming out, but apparently tickets will be free and the decision of how those tickets will be given out has yet to be determined.  It’s good to know that during this historical event, an effort is being made to include military families.