Wandering Wahls

I woke up today to be hit with two things. First, IT IS SNOWING! We have a blizzard here in Colorado. School is cancelled, my son’s debate tournament in Denver is cancelled – about the only thing not cancelled is me having to plow the snow.

The other item that hit me is our cultural icon: sports! We’ve got the local papers highlighting Tim Tebow at the Super Bowl (not playing of course). We also had a big section in the local sports page about National Signing Day, where high school athletes announce what college they’ll be attending to play their sport.

Now, we’ve been in the States for a while, but one aspect of Americana that continues to smack me is our emphasis on sports. I am always amazed and intrigued by it because it is much greater than I remember either from my high school days or when we first went overseas.

As I read the adulation toward the high school athletes who got scholarships, I feel good for them. One local athlete goes to my son’s high school and he got a full ride to Bradley for soccer. This boy is a heck of a kid! Mature, personable, smart – he deserves all he got.

On the other hand, I realize we never read of the non-athletes who are getting scholarships – the kids who pull a strong GPA, make Eagle Scout, do extra-curricular activities: all toward trying to have as many college options as possible. It would be nice if the local paper celebrated these kids as well as the athletes.

Reading and knowing about students who earned non-athletic, tuition-free college rides would be inspirational to most parents and students since most kids aren’t going to get an athletic scholarship. Plus, it would help parents and students understand what they need to do to get scholarships or grants.

But, the nature of sports may be too ingrained for this to happen. Sports tend to override non-athletic interests. For example, the local university gave a football scholarship to a kid who was just kicked out of his high school for months of racist and sexually overt tweets.

I guess he’d never heard of that adage: if you can’t say it at the dinner table, don’t say it. These tweets were really bad – I don’t even want to link to them (one has to wonder though – where were the parents and how did the kid come to think that these comments were okay?).

However, to the coach’s credit, he did justify the scholarship offer because as an African-American he feels compelled to be a mentor to African-American youths and give the kids proper guidance. I grant him that, and think that is very admirable. However, the cynic in me wonders what mentoring would have happened if the kid wasn’t a blue-ship recruit or an athlete at all.

I also thought about our culture’s sports emphasis when I struck up a conversation with another dad the other day. In the course of friendly “dad” type conversation, I asked if his kid played soccer. His blunt reply was, “He plays competitive club.” Oh, okay – I didn’t ask about that aspect exactly, but he felt compelled to let me know. So then, along these lines (I’ve asked both my readers this before, but I’ll do so again):

In our culture would it be acceptable for parents to be equally open about their kids academic achievements, such as being in Junior Honor Society or getting 4.0 as our society is about youth athletic accomplishments?

I’m intrigued by this question as my kids get older and are participating in athletic and academic activities.

Now I have to go figure out whether to root for Eli Brady or Tom Manning. Hold it, did I get that right? When is the game anyway?

My youngest son is a Cub Scout and they just had their Pinewood Derby races. This race is where the Scouts are given a block of wood (7 inches long by 2.75 inches wide), 4 plastic wheels, and 4 nails (for axles). Without the dad’s help, the young Scout is supposed to shape the block into their own design, add weight up to 5 ozs. And hope that it is faster than all the other Scout cars.

The finished products can be everything from whimsical to sleek aerodynamic vehicles. Now, the rules state that the dad is not supposed to help, this is the son’s job. Of course, a little help is allowed with power tools and such – you don’t want to be the dad whose kid is called “3 finger” by the other Scouts. But, overall the boy is supposed to design, paint, put in the wheels, etc.

And that is what Sam and I did. He said he didn’t want to win; he wanted a fun car. So, he set to designing the “Funky Truck.” It carried a Lego skier and two little beach guys he had from his Kinder Egg collection. The color was pretty “funky” too (as well the two bolts that served as headlights). As you can see in the photo, it was pretty whimsical.

It was a fun experience, although the registration gave me a few pangs of father inferiority. There were some slick cars there that a lot of time was obviously put into over the Christmas break – maybe the whole break (Sam did his in 2 days). These cars were well cut, nicely painted and lacquered. I started to wonder if I should have done more for Sam. I told myself though that we maintained the spirit of the race and that Sam designed the car the way he wanted.

In the end, it turned out great. Sam didn’t win. Didn’t come close, he was 7th in his Den of 8 kids (and no, the Scouts don’t give awards for 7th place, a pleasant anomaly in this “everybody is a winner” trend). However, the crowning glory came at the trophy presentation where he was awarded the Gold Medal among all the 12 Dens there for having the best “Scout” designed car. I guess the fact that he designed it was pretty obvious. But, he was elated because that was the prize he was shooting for. As he held the Gold Medal and smiled, my feelings of being an inadequate dad subsided. But there are a few activities coming up where I might find a new home for them. Now I have to go hang the Funky Truck from his ceiling.

Here I am at 50, facing a few of life’s realities. I’ve had my colonoscopy, my hearing is going, my oldest son gets to the top of the mountain before I do, my oldest son is getting his driver’s permit. I can face these; in fact, I’ve anticipated them.

One reality I have been avoiding is that my oldest son will at some point bring a girl home to meet mom and dad. Being an Assistant Scoutmaster though I am trying to be prepared. Yes, I’ve been thinking of a rubric or assessment survey for evaluation purposes (yes, I know it’s really not my choice, but that’s beside the point). I’m not asking for much for here – intelligence, sense of humor (i.e., laughing at this column), thoughtfulness for others, a little culture, and knows the 4th Commandment (the one dealing with parents).

Also, as a military family, we’ve been able to travel a lot, so it would be nice if the young lady had a taste for travel, seeing new things, and was open to new ideas.

Anyway, I haven’t put too much time into this, but I’ve got a few questions so far. Maybe someone among the readers can offer additional suggestions:

Question 1: How many texts do you think you send in a month?
Answer Key:
0 – 30: 5 pts
30 –50, depending on having to arrange for parents to pick me up from after school academic activities: 5 pts
50 – 75: 2 pts Not really so many, like, Facebook just takes up sooooo much time: 0 pts
I have to count!? minus 5 pts

Question 2: What do you think of when I say European?
Answer Key:
I really want to visit there: 5 pts
Socialists: 0 pts
Oh how embarrassing, where’s your bathroom? minus 5 pts

Question 3: Your thoughts on the trend of wearing the pajamas you sleep in to school?
Answer Key:
How embarrassing: 5 pts
Maybe sweats, but my school has a dress code: 3 pts
Silly! I don’t wear the jammies I slept in – I bought a special pair just for school: 0 pts

Okay, it’s just a start. Like I said above, perhaps someone can offer additional assessment questions. Or maybe some for when my daughters’ suitors come by in a few years – just a few questions I can ask while cleaning my gun.

I have encountered two clubs as I hit 50. The first I voluntarily joined but the second was forced upon me by, well, being 50. The two are similar in that there are unspoken aspects of membership. First, I was asked to join the Knights of Columbus at the Catholic community we’re a part of at the Air Force Academy (another benefit of retiring near a base). There are certain things about membership that are unspoken (no, there’s no secret handshake).

However, I can tell you that I’m very happy I was asked to join. I initially agreed so that I could be the liaison between the group and my son’s Boy Scout group; but, after hearing of the work the Knights do, I’m really impressed with the breadth of efforts they put forth to help others and looking forward to helping.

On the other hand, membership to the other group came about because I hit 50. Its membership feels more exclusive though because at 50, there is this special procedure that has to be done while I’m under sedation and lying down. But as a member, the procedure’s name is unspoken – it’s more like a wink and a nod in acknowledging the event. Now, I didn’t know this until I met a guy also born in 1961. When he told me he was the same age, the conversation went like this:

Me: Have you had your…

Him (abruptly interrupting me and saving me from potential club penalty for saying the procedure’s name in public): Two months ago.

Me: Oh, yesterday for me. (I picked up pretty quickly on the wink, nod and don’t mention the name.)

The other thing about membership is that we realize the procedure is rather easy. Other than waking up out of sedation and saying things you wish you hadn’t, the whole thing is painless and anticlimactic. Before 50, there’s a lot of “oohs” and “ahs” and squirming about in your chair when talking about the procedure. But once you become a full-fledged member of the 50-club, you realize the procedure is a breeze.

So, if any readers out there meet our club’s age requirements, but haven’t completely fulfilled all membership requirements, go get that colonoscopy! It’s smart to do so, and there’s nothing to it. ( By the way, disregard that you heard the name from me though, I don’t want the Grand Poobah to call me to task.) In closing, I do want to tip my hat to the staff at Fort Carson’s Evan’s Hospital: great facility, and well run by the nurses, doctors, and personnel. I do enjoy our military healthcare system.

The beginning of the new year is always an enthusiastic time for setting new goals. The euphoria of Christmas gives people this feeling of “let’s do it!” Unfortunately, we’ve got to attack early before the enthusiasm falls apart. I set getting my running back up as a goal, and I’ve already said, “tomorrow is when I’ll start” about five times (this is the 6th isn’t it?).

One important personal goal for a new year though is a career – which is why I’m writing. For spouses who are thinking about a new career or a career change, MOAA is offering a great event, and attendance will push you into acting. On January 26, MOAA and Blue Star Families will host the Spouse Symposium & Career Fair 2012: “Keeping a Career on the Move.”

This topic is near and dear to me because I teach career skills as part of my curriculum in my university Business Writing classes, and I’ve done career counseling on bases. It is always great to help people create a perfect resume or find the right job. One activity that helps achieve these, which I always recommend doing, is attending career fairs like MOAA’s. And, I suggest this even if the person is not actively looking for a job or if they are just beginning to prepare for the job search. This is because these events can give one some ideas or direction; or, even inspire them to start the career move (and not keep saying “tomorrow, that’s when I’ll start!”).

Obviously, MOAA’s symposium and career fair will offer contact with potential employers, but it also offers workshops on finding a career or job, and resume critiques. So, if you haven’t put together your resume yet, or are wondering what career fits you, this event will help you in these endeavors – you can use the time to have people look at your resume, discuss career fields with the employers who are attending, or talk with others in your shoes to share ideas and tips.

I have been to an MOAA sponsored career fair and I can attest that the career fairs are well done events. You’ll find attending is a productive use of your time, as well as being enjoyable. Employers, staff, and attendees are all friendly and open to helping each other.

So then, if you are looking for a new job, just starting to look, or weighing your options, this career fair will benefit you. But, as MOAA Spouse state on their Facebook page, space is running out.

Okay, for your first step toward a new year’s resolution, go to the MOAA Spouse page and sign up for the Spouse Symposium & Career Fair 2012: “Keeping a Career on the Move.”

MOAA Spouse Career Fair from MOAA on Vimeo.

 It is the tail end of a busy time in the Wandering Wahl household. In addition to Christmas, we hosted our youngest boy’s Cub Scout den Christmas party and celebrated two birthdays (Anna’s 13th and Joe’s 15th birthday). These were fun – four girls from the school choral group over for a birthday party lent itself to some nice renditions of Carol of the Bells.

We also got my son through his first set of high school finals (short nights and long days), into his Christmas presents, and now to his upcoming teeth extraction for future braces (poor kid).

To make everything good though, we got about 2 feet of snow resulting in a wonderful white Christmas.  With a 200 yard driveway, we had a great sled run.

Anyway, as the end-of-year entry, I would like to offer you some links to good end-of-year reads about inspiring stories; upcoming events; and thoughts for the coming year:

This story from MOAA Spouse of a military wives choir in England achieving a Number 1 Christmas song is inspiring: Military Wives choir hits Christmas number one.

I wonder if a group of U.S. military wives could do this in the U.S.

Next, on January 26, MOAA and Blue Star Families are offering a “Spouse Symposium & Career Fair 2012 – Keeping a Career on the Move.”

Speaking as a spouse, the many PCS’s we experience do present challenges; however, they also offer great opportunities (personal and professional). I probably would not have gotten into writing or teaching if my wife hadn’t PCS’ed to Okinawa (nor would I have found out I’m not allergic to seafood – thank goodness for that and pass the sushi!). I’m not the only one to find opportunity – there are many spouses who have started web sites, advanced their education, set up businesses, or pursued similar professional avenues because of the circumstances and challenges offered by a PCS.

So then, for those spouses out there who are looking for job or career ideas, this symposium will be a great trip to make. I’ve attended MOAA job fairs and can say that they are well run and worth attending.

Also from MOAA Spouse: members have utilized MOAA to send 820,000 e-mails to Congress as well as send over a million total communications to elected officials. These efforts are great, but they only scratch the surface.  As Col. Steve Strobridge, USAF-Ret. writes, these numbers represent only 20% of MOAA membership. And, for the coming year, with more budget decisions coming up that will greatly affect military families, MOAA needs the grassroots support of the other 80% to help ensure the military community doesn’t take a disproportionate hit from certain budget cuts.

Finally, one of the issues MOAA needs your help with is the military retirement system. So, as a final thought I’ll give you a link to an excellent op-ed in The New York Times by three lieutenant colonels in the United States Army, in support of the current retirement structure: Don’t Go After Military Pensions.

Hopefully, the op-ed will inspire the “quiet” 80% of MOAA members to contact their elected representatives to tell them to support retaining the current military retirement program.

Happy New Year all!

We started early for Christmas decorations — at least for us it’s early. I dropped Joe off at a local high school for a forensics tournament Saturday (it was called debate when I went to high school). It was a horrible morning with a lot of tall snowdrifts in our yard, temps in the teens, and the wind howling. There was even the chance that the tournament might be canceled.

Naturally then, after dropping him off, I decided to buy a Christmas tree at Home Depot. I figured: no crowds and a nice warm warehouse to shop inside. I was right about one thing – there was no one there: who goes out at 7am in this weather? I was wrong about one thing too – the warm building: nobody told me that Home Depot sold their trees in the outdoor Garden Center.

After 45 minutes of blissful shopping in blizzard conditions without gloves or a hat, we had a tree and could begin enjoying the Christmas joys. Let me describe these:

• Shopping at Home Depot for Christmas trees in 15 degree weather with blizzard conditions
• Frozen ears and hands
• One 9 ft/90 lb tree loaded onto the top of my vehicle in 15 degree weather with blizzard conditions without gloves or a hat
• One 9 ft/90 lb tree knocked off the top of my vehicle by driving into my garage and forgetting I have a tree on my vehicle
• Learning an easy way to take a 9 ft/90 lb tree off of my vehicle (see above for instructions)
• Buying, returning, or borrowing 3 tree stands to find one that could hold a 9 ft/90 lb tree
• 6 tipped over tree incidents
• 1 tree stand screwed into a homemade tree stand base
• Carrying 2 large wooden planks from the barn to the garage in 3 ft of snow and sawing them into a homemade tree stand base in blizzard conditions (the sweet combination of snow and sawdust in the air – it must be Christmas)
• 1 beautiful really big Christmas tree standing tall and secure, ready to be decorated by the family
• 1 beautiful but puny 5 ft Christmas tree decorated by Mary Claire
• Many egg nogs

There may be a trend developing with that next to last item. Mary Claire recently left our family Facebook page to have her own account, and now she wants her own Christmas tree. I’m still contemplating these actions.

My oldest son’s Boy Scout troop happens to meet at the U.S. Air Force Academy (the base, not in the school); so there are quite a few military families who are members. The adults were talking and the topic of military cuts came up. All of us had heard of the TRICARE cuts; the downsizing of the military retirement benefit; and even cutting back on ROTC contracts to students (one of the parents is an ROTC teacher as a local college).

The funny thing was that no one had heard any mention of cutting military costs by eliminating redundancies or inefficiencies (one person had a great suggestion – start cutting back the generals since this will have the effect of saving money by eliminating the staffs of drivers, cooks, airline stewards, etc. that can come with some of these offices).

It is telling that all anyone has heard of are cuts directed at the military member. And now, Senator McCain is brining up an amendment that would allow hikes to TRICARE fees based on an as yet undetermined health cost index (a “to be named later” type of clause).

The bright side is that MOAA has spotted Senator McCain’s amendment and is jumping into the fray. And what’s really helpful is that MOAA is offering use of their toll-free Capitol Hill Hotline so people can call their Senators’ offices and let them know that this is an inappropriate hike. If you go to this Special Alert page, MOAA spells out the details of the Senator’s action and how you can help (including what to say on the phone – how convenient is that?).

McCain has always been known for his fighting pork barrel and inefficiencies in government spending, so I’m surprised that we’re hearing about TRICARE hikes from him and not amendments to cut truly wasteful military spending.

It is the time of year where we are reminded to show thanks. It is sad though that we have to have an annual reminder for this. But the message of this holiday is becoming even more diluted with so many stores now opening on Thanksgiving Day for their super sales.

With doors opening at 6:00 p.m. there’s not much time to relax and enjoy the holiday! (“Come on kid, be thankful for something, I’ve got to get in line at Target! Bill you hit Wal-Mart!”). I expect that in a couple of years, some legislator will introduce a bill to rename this National Sales Day Weekend or something.

This desire to shop, even on a holiday (not that we Americans get many of these), led me to this interesting find about family life.

Let me ask you parents this (you Black Friday shoppers can think about it while you’re waiting in line a few hours for the store doors to open): do you want your kid to have a high GPA, have strong friendships, be less materialistic and envious, and be happy?

Well, it is possible (my dad doesn’t believe this though).

Jeffrey Froh, an assistant professor of psychology at Hofstra University studied students ages 14 to 19 and found that the kids described above were that way when they were, are you sitting down: grateful.

“We know that grateful kids are happier [and] more satisfied with their lives.”

So, grateful kids are smarter, happier, and are more content. Materialistic kids have lower GPAs (I was reluctant to use other terms), have fewer friends, and have more stress about what they don’t have and what others do have (the evil of envy).

Additionally, Dr. Froh found that gratitude was teachable. If we parents want grateful kids, we have to practice it in front of them and show them that materialism isn’t the driving force in life.

And, this coming Thursday is a great day to start: hold firm against the incoming tide of Black Friday materialism; instead, stay at home, be grateful and have happier kids (this plan will also save you money in the long run).

We’ve been back in the states for a while but there is always some aspect of our unique American culture that still stands up and slaps me in the face. We’ve had two around the household recently.

First, who the heck is Kim Kardashian and why is she famous?

Is there actually a talent there, other than getting people to watch a supposed reality show that follows a supposed real life? Do people really think her marriage was real? The breakup?

As the famous sportscaster Warner Wolf likes to say: Come on! And she makes $18 million or so on her wedding?! What really makes this sad is that there are so many true stories out there whose story should be told, and there are so many better ways for those millions to be distributed. Occupy Wall Street should consider occupying the Kardashian estate.

Second, what’s up with the madness surrounding Black Friday?

A worker was trampled to death in 2008 opening the doors to Wal-Mart at 5 a.m. A pregnant woman was knocked down by shoppers. Ranker.com even has a video of the 13 most brutal Black Friday incidents.

Now the madness is getting worse: Toy “R” Us is opening at 9 p.m. and Wal-Mart at 10 p.m. on Thanksgiving. Where is the consideration for the employees and their holiday family time? Plus, it’s not like business would be lost by waiting to open at a decent hour on Friday – crazy shoppers would just buy the next day. Maybe I became too used to Europe’s standards where stores are closed on holidays and Sundays. It was nice to see families actually doing things together on these days.

Then again, instead of wondering about the stores, I do have to wonder: who shops at these hours?! I prefer having my third turkey & stuffing sandwich (with Miracle Whip, of course) and starting the movie A Christmas Story in the wee hours, as opposed to elbowing shoppers for too few bargains.

You know, I wonder if the shoppers are the same people who follow Kim Kardashian and are in a funk over her divorce and wondering: just.how.could.Kris Humphries do those things to her?!