Wandering Wahls

For us, this is truly the season of shopping. In addition to Christmas, we have two kids with birthdays in late December (Joe turns 15 and Anna 13).

Given this theme, I got a kick out of reading about Ikea shopping experiences. In their stores in Australia, there are special areas called “Manland.” These are similar to their “Smallland” areas except the “Manland” areas are for husbands instead of kids.

Men get to play foosball, video games, watch movies, etc. while their wives shop. The funny thing about this idea is that the wives are given beepers to remind them that they have men in “Manland” – can you imagine at closing time if a husband is the only one left and the attendants have to console him (“It’s okay, you’re wife just forgot, she’ll be back – have another tissue.”).

In China, families have been known to take over the rooms where Ikea sets up a “model” room display – they lie in the bed, sit at the desk (the perfect place to get those late holiday cards completed), and watch TV. Regarding the last item, aren’t those fake TVs? No wonder these people linger in the rooms, they’re waiting for the TV to warm up.

Why do I bring up Ikea? Well, in these few rushed days before Christmas, I thought I’d give my readers some light hearted stories as the two of you run around doing your Christmas shopping (I’m a L in shirts and XL in sweaters by the way).

This year though, I have surprisingly found that the shopping is not so rushed – few crowds, easy parking. It does help though that I’m using Amazon. But even with venturing out to the malls, the experience has been acceptable. I did notice this year that since we’re in a military-friendly area, the phrase I’ve been saying most often is not “Merry Christmas” but “Do you offer a military discount?”

The retailers in Colorado Springs show a lot of love to the military, which is nice for military members, but bad for AAFES.

So then, have a merry Christmas, happy holidays, and a great New Year! Enjoy the season – it is a special time of the year. And don’t forget to step outside around midnight on Christmas Eve to look at the sky, imagine that the lights of the plane you see are actually Santa’s sleigh, and enjoy the special tranquility.

We started early for Christmas decorations — at least for us it’s early. I dropped Joe off at a local high school for a forensics tournament Saturday (it was called debate when I went to high school). It was a horrible morning with a lot of tall snowdrifts in our yard, temps in the teens, and the wind howling. There was even the chance that the tournament might be canceled.

Naturally then, after dropping him off, I decided to buy a Christmas tree at Home Depot. I figured: no crowds and a nice warm warehouse to shop inside. I was right about one thing – there was no one there: who goes out at 7am in this weather? I was wrong about one thing too – the warm building: nobody told me that Home Depot sold their trees in the outdoor Garden Center.

After 45 minutes of blissful shopping in blizzard conditions without gloves or a hat, we had a tree and could begin enjoying the Christmas joys. Let me describe these:

• Shopping at Home Depot for Christmas trees in 15 degree weather with blizzard conditions
• Frozen ears and hands
• One 9 ft/90 lb tree loaded onto the top of my vehicle in 15 degree weather with blizzard conditions without gloves or a hat
• One 9 ft/90 lb tree knocked off the top of my vehicle by driving into my garage and forgetting I have a tree on my vehicle
• Learning an easy way to take a 9 ft/90 lb tree off of my vehicle (see above for instructions)
• Buying, returning, or borrowing 3 tree stands to find one that could hold a 9 ft/90 lb tree
• 6 tipped over tree incidents
• 1 tree stand screwed into a homemade tree stand base
• Carrying 2 large wooden planks from the barn to the garage in 3 ft of snow and sawing them into a homemade tree stand base in blizzard conditions (the sweet combination of snow and sawdust in the air – it must be Christmas)
• 1 beautiful really big Christmas tree standing tall and secure, ready to be decorated by the family
• 1 beautiful but puny 5 ft Christmas tree decorated by Mary Claire
• Many egg nogs

There may be a trend developing with that next to last item. Mary Claire recently left our family Facebook page to have her own account, and now she wants her own Christmas tree. I’m still contemplating these actions.

Mary Claire and I have always tried to put a little culture into our children’s lives, be it John Wayne westerns or walking through the Louvre. When we were stationed at Landstuhl, Germany, we were fortunate enough to get to London. While there, we took the kids to see two plays, Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. In addition to being one of our kid’s more expensive naps (Anna fell asleep after intermission during Mary Poppins), it was a great experience to get dressed up, have some local British cuisine for dinner (Indian curry), and then hit the theatre district.

Now that we’re in the states, we thought it would be fun to see a play here and see if U.S. theatre seats were just as comfy for naps. Anna read “To Kill a Mockingbird” over the summer and it happened that the Denver Center for the Performing Arts was offering this play for as part of their Fall schedule. In addition to the book, we’ve all liked the movie; so we made a day of it and went up for a Saturday matinee.

First, we took a backstage tour. This is better described as a “multiple backstage tour” because the Denver Center is made up of numerous venues hosting local productions, ballet, opera, Broadway plays, and theatre in the round. Afterward, we strolled the Denver streets, had a nice lunch, and then went back for the play. The performance was phenomenal, and closely followed the book. All actors were flawless, and the actor playing Atticus was spot-on in recreating Gregory Peck’s role from the movie, from the mannerism to his looks.

For me though, the most exciting part of our theatre experience was seeing our kids enthralled by the play and the story. The performance did not slack off one bit in terms of racially tinged language, the message, or the sadness of the story. Plus, the atmosphere of the theatre, the proximity to the actors, and the element of watching live acting all created an element of excitement that Netflix can’t offer.

Even Sam, our 9 year-old, followed the whole play intently – and without any electronic wizardry or effects; just plot and character development – go figure.

My wife and I are now looking for the next event we can take the kids to at DCPA (hey, Bill Cosby is coming – okay, I know it’s not a play, but what better comedic entertainment exists for a whole family, and his fatherhood stories could have been mine). For all parents who are searching for something to do with the kids, I strongly recommend finding a local stage play for your family to attend. The only downside you might find though, like I did, is the thought that: “my kids could be up there doing that part!”

Photo via Denver Center for the Performing Arts.

Have you had this children-related dilemma: you want time with them?

No, we haven’t gone off the deep end. Mary Claire and I keep desiring a weekend with the kids. Since the schools have started (Joe is at high school and Anna and Sam are at middle school), the weeknights are all taken with cross-country, soccer, Scouts, and homework. So, we keep waiting for the weekend to do something as a family.

However, MC and I come up with an idea for an upcoming weekend – but then the dreaded activity-creep slithers its way into someone’s schedule and our plans go out the window. The activity-creep has run the gamut: forgotten scouting events (ok, that’s my fault); rescheduled soccer games; Student Senate dance cleanups (is this what Joe got elected to do?); Mary Claire doing nursing shifts, and required weekend cross-country runs.

As you can see, the problem is that we can’t have relaxing family weekend with the kids (and yes, it is possible to consider relaxing and kids in the same phrase – we like our kids). Also, we bought the cozy little Four Winds Class C RV for weekend trips and these activities have not cooperated with our intent to put the RV on the road.

Drastic action was needed to get the kids away. So, to circumvent the kids’ activity conflicts and implement our desires, Mary Claire and I hatched a plan: we’d kidnap the kids! We didn’t use guns, ropes, the lure of Water World, or the techniques of a retired special-forces friend. Instead, we simply found a weekend a few weeks out that was free, we blocked it, and we just told the kids we were going away. We set up plans on where to go and brought up the topic as a done deal – no “hopefully,” or “if everything works” wishy-washy type of phrasing. It was presented as a done deal (we felt so bold).

So what happened? It worked! Events came up, but we had to say no because we had plans made. Saturday came and we loaded up the RV and headed to the front range of the Rockies to do a little hot springing among the changing colors of the Aspens.

But, more on the trip later – the purpose here is to provide parents an idea on how to escape the dreaded activity-creep and have a family outing once in a while.

Oh, one last note: Congratulations to Air Force for their victory over Navy! Sorry the Navy QB had to blame the refs for noticing his taunting, but one shouldn’t behave in that manner.

Now: onto the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy. Oh, that’s right; Army still plays football – one more victory to go then.

Joe went to Homecoming this Saturday – and had the three D’s: dinner, date and dance (they were going as friends, but even so, I’m just not ready for this yet).

He’s 14 so I had to drive, which worked well with my wanting to check out who this girl was. The evening was good. Joe had a nice time, he didn’t smell of cigarette smoke, and I got him home before midnight.

Then came the next run. While the two of us ate leftover Chicken Lettuce Wraps from Pei Wei the phone rang. I half expected it to be a parent wondering if I took their kid home from the dance (with 12 kids having arranged the evening, the evening had had a few driving logistic “problems”). Instead, it was my dad’s retirement community telling me that he would be at the ER in about 10 minutes.

I drove back into Colorado Springs to the ER. My dad had woken with blurred vision in his good eye and there was a worry of a detached retina. Fortunately though, he had seemingly only burst a blood vessel. After an hour, my dad was released, but with a referral. The ER doc said he couldn’t get a hold of my dad’s ophthalmologist but contacted one of his “associates” who my dad should call in the morning for a follow up.

The whole follow up cements my appreciation for our military health care system – even if just for the efficiency and lack of a profit motive. Far from going to an “associate” who had access to my dad’s records and billing info, the referral was to a doc who had a contract with the hospital.

Then, at his office, we went through the whole process of completing umpteen pages of essentially the same information (why is it docs can have the most updated equipment but can’t figure out a digital option to bypass filling out repetitive info on various forms). Then, because he didn’t have my dad’s records, we went through time explaining to the doc my dad’s history with this problem.

I’m the first to admit that no system is perfect. But, I’m more than happy with the military medical system – the records access providers have in the military health system and the time that it saves patients keeps me happily coming back again and again. If we could replicate the military health system in the civilian sector, we’d get rid of a lot of wasted time and expense (not to mention trees). I have to add that I also enjoy having all providers in one building. Okay, I’ll add the quality of the providers too.

We are at the tail end of our summer vacation. We have been spending a glorious week exploring Grand Teton National Park. So far, wildlife sightings have included a black bear (too close for my comfort, as I was taking a peaceful stroll along Leigh Lake by myself!), black tailed deer, a bald eagle, and an osprey. The only unwelcome wildlife are the mosquitos, which are quite healthy this year. They don’t seem to mind citronella or “Off”, and we’ve escalated the percentage of DEET in every bottle we’ve bought this week. But if that’s the price to pay for this beautiful area, I can live with a few bug bites.

Yesterday we had to check out of Colter Bay RV Park inside the national park, as they were full and our reservations had ended. We had reserved a spot only 20 miles up the road at Flagg Ranch RV Park. This is on the north end of Grand Teton NP, and just a few miles south of Yellowstone NP.

We checked in, set up camp, then set out on a bike ride along the Snake River. A few miles down a dirt road we discovered a primitive campground (for those non-campers this means no electricity, no water, and no sewage – or “real camping” to some). There were only 4 simple campsites, with a picnic table, fire pit, and a chemical toilet.

However, the view was unbelievable. We sat along the edge of the Snake River, admiring the mountains and the Bald Eagle perched atop a tree. Tom thought this was a much better place to camp for the night. Although we had already paid for 2 nights at Flagg Ranch (non-refundable by the way), this campsite was free. So the kids and I staked out our spot while Tom biked back to the RV to pack up and move.

An hour later we were swimming in the Snake, enjoying the activities of our Bald Eagle friend, and taking in the peacefulness and quiet that only comes with finding these “primitive” camp sites.

Happy hour came, and I sipped Chardonnay with my toes in the river. I was a bit startled when I almost put down my plastic wine glass on a pile of some sort of animal droppings…I was told by one of my family scat experts, “Moose scat, Mom!”

Speaking about transitioning to raising kids in the States, one of our forays into the youth summer camp transition is Joe’s weeklong Boy Scout camp. For the trip, his troop chose to go to a Scout camp in the Tetons, east of Driggs, Idaho and just on the Wyoming border.

Two things have come to mind from this trip. First, we, as a family, took the opportunity of having to deliver Joe to Scout camp to take out the RV and see one of America’s greatest sites, Grand Teton National Park (I’m writing this from their RV park).

There are a lot of great things about America, but the one truly exceptional item is our National Park system. I don’t have the space to fully describe all of the parks and what they have to offer, but from national monuments to national trails to national parks, one can cover our country’s wildlife, geography, history, and culture – if you’re thinking of what to do on a holiday, go to nps.gov. They have a state-by-state map of all parks!

Within the National Park system, I think Grand Teton National Park is at the top of the list. Okay, you Acadia, Yellowstone, Yosemite, and Everglade fans relax – we can all have a favorite. But, for myself, I can never get over how majestic the Tetons look towering over the green pastures and glacial lakes.

The second “thing” (my mother would be all over me for my lack of creative wording) is the Boy Scouts. I was never a Boy Scout, and living overseas did not afford the chance to get the boys into scouting. So, when we came back to the states, the Boy Scouts weren’t really on my personal GPS (they don’t call it TomTom for nothing – my name is Tom by the way). Mary Claire, though, was a Girl Scout so she was the one who got Joe into Boy Scouts and Sam into Cub Scouts (and me into being Assistant Scout Master – I’m still trying to figure out how she did that).

I am very happy she put our kids into this ritual of American youth. Not only does it give me an excuse to shop at REI; but Joe has matured and become independent as a result of learning how to backpack overnight, camp, survive in the wilderness, start a fire, use a knife, make smores, etc. He had already developed this interest in outdoors as a result of our trips to 50+ national parks on our RV trip (and his interest in the Bear Grylls’ survival shows – Joe once made me pine needle tea, it wasn’t too bad). So, his time in the Scouts is really helping him take his interest to a higher level.

Joe’s scouting has a couple of side benefits as well. First, I never knew how highly employers and colleges regarded achieving Eagle Scout status. Second though, instead of him spending his money on the latest fashions, he’d rather buy a new knife – and I’m okay with that.

As you readers know, my family took an 18-month RV trip after my wife retired from the Air Force. But, in case one of you three forgot, here’s a brief rundown: Mary Claire retired out of Landstuhl, Germany and we had no place to call home in the States. So, we bought a 41-foot RV with a tow dolly for the car and off we went. I do have to add that we went off knowing nothing about driving an RV, dumping waste, or how we would survive in such compact quarters (though we’d always made it in base housing so we weren’t too worried).

Anyway, it was a great journey and well worth the effort. One of the best aspects of the trip though is that our writings have convinced other military members to take the same journey – the most recent being Patrick and Melissa Williams. Patrick is retiring from the Navy after a final stint in the Pentagon. He and Melissa had been debating their options when they realized there was another possibility for them and their two daughters beyond letting the job dictate where they would live – they could RV it for a year (or longer).

Mary Claire and I have been emailing and talking on the telephone with Patrick and Melissa and helping guide them into their trip (talk about the blind leading the blind). It has been fun to talk to them and hear their excitement and ideas, all the while doing this from scratch just like we did.

So, for anyone who is nearing retirement and hasn’t figured out where to live, and is not so excited about heading into that 9-5 job (or 6-8) which dictates that you live in a locale you’re unsure of, then consider these benefits, to name a few, that the Williams and the Wahls have talked about that come from a family cross-country RV trip:

• The military will store your household goods for a year, for free!
• You’ve got a military pension coming in.
• You get to know our country and you’ll understand why so many people say that they love living where they do, and you’ve always wondered why in the world would people live (no jokes about Detroit here, okay – I lived there for awhile).
• You’ll become enthusiasts for our National Parks system – these parks are amazing and you can visit them offseason and have the Rangers all to yourselves for their hikes, fireside talks, etc.
• Your family will grow closer and your kids will gain more knowledge than possible in a classroom: you can visit all of those historic spots you keep talking about seeing, from Gettysburg to the Liberty Bell to Disney World (ok, not so historic, but great fun). And, all of you will gain an appreciation for the diversity of cultures among Americans.
• Finally, you’ll end up with a load of stories for your grandchildren from all of the misadventures (“What’s black waste doing in the shower?!”).

Don’t think you’d be alone either. There’s a big crowd of families out there full-timing it in an RV. Go to Familiesontheroad.com to read about their adventures – and these people are non-military and doing their journey without free household goods storage or a monthly military pension.

And, if you need any encouragement, get ahold of us and we’ll set you straight.

A rite of summer in the US – summer camps, right (sorry, I couldn’t pass that up)? Last summer we didn’t take part in these. After spending two summers traveling in the RV, where summer camps were Ranger talks at the National Parks or teaching the kids how to dump the black waste, we were new to getting our kids in camps. We hadn’t learned the trick of registering in time – kids’ Missoula Theatre at the Academy: full, soccer camp: full, YMCA: booked. No matter, we ended up having a great time doing family outings (seems like such an old fashioned notion).

This summer though we got on the ball. We started with summer school for Joe so he could get an elective out of the way. Then, Anna and Sam like track and cross-country, so we found a camp for them. Finally, Joe thought he’d like to learn how to play golf, so he got into a series of lessons.

These events were an interesting peek into the world of youth sports though. Jonathon Dron at the Air Force Academy Eisenhower Golf Course taught Joe golf. Great guy and teacher, I’m very impressed. But I had to adjust some old notions on learning a sport. I grew up learning golf on municipal courses and with old, unforgiving clubs. But these clubs forced me to learn the right swing (through many frustrating moments). So, I was a little cynical with Joe using clubs designed to make bad shots good (the golfing equivalent of bowling bumpers): how does he learn the correct swing? My youthful shots into the parking lot and the sound of breaking glass told me that something was wrong with my swing (and that it was a good time to hide in, I mean, use the restroom). How will Joe ever learn without these indicators?

Jonathon had a good point though – the kids should have fun learning the sport, which these clubs help him to do. Joe can master the game later if he decides it’s for him. Okay, lesson learned – and without having to call my insurance company.

On the other hand, the track & field camp. Here, everyone is a winner, everybody is “just great” at the finish line, every finisher gets a high-five (one coach, with her hand high in the air, chased down a kid after his last-place finish in the 100 to make sure he got a high-five like everybody else, I kept expecting her to yell “Heil Hitler” – anyway, the kid’s face seemed to show that he understood the meaning of “patronization”).

I kept thinking of Robert De Niro in “Meet the Fockers” observing Ben Stiller’s childhood awards, “I didn’t know they made ribbons for 8th place.”

I know these coaches are well meaning and hard effort should be acknowledged – but overused sugary, patronizing accolades for every participant are a bit much. It takes away from honest assessment. I’m afraid this generation will grow up expecting nothing short of grand accolades, even for substandard efforts (“You forgot the deadline and lost the client, but great job Bobby – high five!”)

Plus, these kids know when they’ve done poorly – I learned this from my daughter’s look when I told her “good mile” for a time that was a minute off of her best. Ouch. I was just trying to be nice.

I guess at 50 I’m becoming (among other things) a curmudgeon. Please be patient with me though as I adjust – our other summers have been overseas, and German coaches treat their kids a little differently (plus, they don’t run around with one hand in the air).

Thanks for reading. Any thoughts on youth sports compared to when you were a kid?

One of the benefits of military life is making a lot of lifelong friends. One of the benefits of military life overseas is making lifelong friends from other countries and cultures. Not only are these friends considered good friends for the obvious reasons (they’re fun, nice, considerate, good cooks, pick up restaurant bills, etc.), their friendship gives one the benefit of having a free place to stay when you visit their country; or, when you send your kid overseas for a school term. On the flip side, it is fantastic fun to host those foreign friends and show them our country. We just had that experience.

The Altheers, our German neighbors from Bann (outside of Landsuhl), came to the states to take a 3-week tour of the US, pretty much in Colorado and Utah. We were neighbors, friends, and our kids went to the same school in Bann. Our son Joe and their youngest, Cristoph, used to sit in a tree for a couple of hours discussing whatever 10 year-olds discuss (I imagine world related issues such as: “What if Voldemort fought Darth Vadar, who would win?”)

They stopped by our place as part of their trip in order to see the area and us. It was a blast to see them. They brought us a board game called Catan as well as umpteen varieties of German made Gummi Bears (Vampires, cola bottles, juice-filled, etc. – made with actual sugar, not the high fructose corn syrup found in U.S. Gummi Bears). They would have brought Kinder Eggs, but the US won’t allow those. You can add Kinder Eggs to the metric system and the Celsius temperature scale as areas where the US stubbornly and illogically separates itself from the rest of the world (you could consider healthcare as well, but lets not got there).

In return, we showed them America and Americana at its best.

From meeting foreign tourists during our 18 month RV trip (they are the ones driving those rental RVs from Del Monte and RV America that you see on the roads – they see more of the US than most Americans), we’ve learned that the natural beauty of America is what makes our country truly unique. All countries have big cities (and, honestly, the ones overseas are more fun to visit than ours), but most countries don’t have a national park system like we do. Plus, our historical sites have always interested the foreign visitors we’ve talked to – from civil war sites to the “old west” and Indian Wars.

So, we spent time showing off the bountiful beauty of Colorado Springs and the surrounding area. We spent one day starting 100 feet below the earth and ending 14,000 feet above (we went down the Molly Kathleen Gold Mine in Cripple Creek and then took the cogwheel train to the top of Pikes Peak). We also hiked in Garden of the Gods where they were astonished as we climbed among the red rocks.

The above were all things our friends read about as some of the top sites to see in the US, so it was fun to help them check off some “bucket list” items.

Next up was the Americana part of the tour. We took our friends to the local 4th of July parade and fireworks show. The fireworks display was at the US Air Force Academy football stadium, so that made this event extra special and extra Americana.

We also went to a minor league baseball game. This was really interesting – for about 5 innings. At least they got to experience a baseball game (sorry to sound un-American, but I don’t buy the argument that soccer is more boring than baseball).

As for the most important piece of Americana – food – we introduced them to Dominos pizza, spicy chili, root beer, homemade ice cream pie, and BBQ ribs with homemade sauce (they even took the sauce recipe home).

Now, for all I know, they could be tossing the recipe out the car window and flooring it to the next stop, but I think not. America has a lot of great and unique things that are hikeable, edible, and enjoyable – and it was a kick to show them off to friends who were excited to enjoy our country so much.

So tell me, if you have foreign visitors, what will you consider doing with them?