Wandering Wahls

It is the time of year where we are reminded to show thanks. It is sad though that we have to have an annual reminder for this. But the message of this holiday is becoming even more diluted with so many stores now opening on Thanksgiving Day for their super sales.

With doors opening at 6:00 p.m. there’s not much time to relax and enjoy the holiday! (“Come on kid, be thankful for something, I’ve got to get in line at Target! Bill you hit Wal-Mart!”). I expect that in a couple of years, some legislator will introduce a bill to rename this National Sales Day Weekend or something.

This desire to shop, even on a holiday (not that we Americans get many of these), led me to this interesting find about family life.

Let me ask you parents this (you Black Friday shoppers can think about it while you’re waiting in line a few hours for the store doors to open): do you want your kid to have a high GPA, have strong friendships, be less materialistic and envious, and be happy?

Well, it is possible (my dad doesn’t believe this though).

Jeffrey Froh, an assistant professor of psychology at Hofstra University studied students ages 14 to 19 and found that the kids described above were that way when they were, are you sitting down: grateful.

“We know that grateful kids are happier [and] more satisfied with their lives.”

So, grateful kids are smarter, happier, and are more content. Materialistic kids have lower GPAs (I was reluctant to use other terms), have fewer friends, and have more stress about what they don’t have and what others do have (the evil of envy).

Additionally, Dr. Froh found that gratitude was teachable. If we parents want grateful kids, we have to practice it in front of them and show them that materialism isn’t the driving force in life.

And, this coming Thursday is a great day to start: hold firm against the incoming tide of Black Friday materialism; instead, stay at home, be grateful and have happier kids (this plan will also save you money in the long run).

We’ve been back in the states for a while but there is always some aspect of our unique American culture that still stands up and slaps me in the face. We’ve had two around the household recently.

First, who the heck is Kim Kardashian and why is she famous?

Is there actually a talent there, other than getting people to watch a supposed reality show that follows a supposed real life? Do people really think her marriage was real? The breakup?

As the famous sportscaster Warner Wolf likes to say: Come on! And she makes $18 million or so on her wedding?! What really makes this sad is that there are so many true stories out there whose story should be told, and there are so many better ways for those millions to be distributed. Occupy Wall Street should consider occupying the Kardashian estate.

Second, what’s up with the madness surrounding Black Friday?

A worker was trampled to death in 2008 opening the doors to Wal-Mart at 5 a.m. A pregnant woman was knocked down by shoppers. Ranker.com even has a video of the 13 most brutal Black Friday incidents.

Now the madness is getting worse: Toy “R” Us is opening at 9 p.m. and Wal-Mart at 10 p.m. on Thanksgiving. Where is the consideration for the employees and their holiday family time? Plus, it’s not like business would be lost by waiting to open at a decent hour on Friday – crazy shoppers would just buy the next day. Maybe I became too used to Europe’s standards where stores are closed on holidays and Sundays. It was nice to see families actually doing things together on these days.

Then again, instead of wondering about the stores, I do have to wonder: who shops at these hours?! I prefer having my third turkey & stuffing sandwich (with Miracle Whip, of course) and starting the movie A Christmas Story in the wee hours, as opposed to elbowing shoppers for too few bargains.

You know, I wonder if the shoppers are the same people who follow Kim Kardashian and are in a funk over her divorce and wondering: just.how.could.Kris Humphries do those things to her?!

What a great date for Veterans Day to fall on: 11-11-11. Time to play the lottery.

Anyway, happy Veterans Day to all veterans out there and thank you for your service. In our house, Mary Claire took off to meet up in Las Vegas with group of nurses who all served together at Lakenheath in the late eighties. No husbands or boyfriends, just 5 Air Force nurses in Las Vegas for Veteran’s Day weekend. Nothing to worry about there…is there? Hmmm.

I’ll have to think more about that later, and why she was so inquisitive as to how much we had in our checking account.

In case you missed it, MOAA has an excellent article by Col. Steve Strobridge titled “As I See It – The Bogus Case for Military Vesting.”

Well, I can tell you this – Col. Strobridge must have 20-10 vision, because he sees the issue well. The comment that stands out to me is this:

“There’s no comparison between military and civilian careers, and the last thing the military needs is a retirement system based on civilian norms.”

I can’t agree with this more. I worked in the corporate world before marrying into the military life – from Seattle to Phoenix to NYC to D.C. From personal experience, civilian and military jobs are two completely different careers. For example, I could switch employers and negotiate a nice raise at any point in my tenure. A soldier can’t approach the Navy and offer his or her services to the Navy if they give him a 10% raise and a bonus.

It is silly that our politicians and the Defense Policy Board want to make the military retirement system civilianized when no two other aspects are at all similar – if military members worked in the same context as civilians, then perhaps one could make the argument.

The other good point Col. Strobridge makes is about the concern that 83% of military members don’t obtain retirement benefits because they don’t stay for a career. Well, first, that is their choice. And, many join for one or two tours to get training and then go on to better paying civilian jobs. The Col’s additional point though is that with a civilianized plan, we’re not going to see that figure decrease – more people will get out because the carrot of 20 years and a retirement benefit will be gone.

Maybe on Veterans Day an epiphany will occur to our politicians and they’ll realize that the retirement benefit needs to stay and that there are other numerous ways to save money. I don’t put much hope on this though since most of their epiphanies are the green ones presented by lobbyists.

Anyway: Happy Veterans Day to all of you vets out there! And help MOAA help you by joining MOAA as well as writing your elected representatives about the issues important to veterans. Now, I have to find our checkbook – it’s gone missing somehow.

I thought hitting 50 would be bad, but I was ill prepared for how steep the downhill slide might be. I was hoping for a green slope, maybe an easy blue. But man, it’s like the gates opened to the diamond black run of life. I’ve figured out that the reason is that there is some spell that makes 50 the point where everything breaks down and we start dodging the moguls of life.

I go back and forth to the doctor more often that my combined trips prior to being 50. But I’m not the only thing breaking down. Things are going smooth, and up pops a car issue – our 5 year-old car needs a new transmission.

Things settle down, then next up, I find out I have tennis elbow (and I don’t even own a racquet). A little PT and some balm, and then we step on the deck to enjoy a beautiful Colorado view and the hot tub is empty with water spilling out the bottom. It turns out that the thermostat stopped working (I know there’s a metaphor somewhere in there for my post-50 ailments, but I don’t want to go there).

The water became so hot that it warped the PVC piping. We didn’t buy the hot tub, it was left by the previous owners. But we’ve become so enamored of sitting in the hot tub the family voted to get a replacement. So, we take care of that little household ailment and then our 1 year-old snow blower stops working during our first snow blizzard and 5-foot snow drifts in front of the garage.

So, be prepared for 50 – everything around you goes into a state of decline: health, car, hot tubs…there must be some aura that infects everything around me: “okay, he’s 50 – stop working everyone.”

Little ghosts and goblins and Harry Potters were out in bunches last night. We saw them all while we were at a friend’s house so our kids could trick-or-treat with their friends in a real neighborhood (it’s tough trick or treating in our neighborhood with 5 acres between houses).

The kids went off on their own with Anna watching over the young ones. Joe, at almost 15, didn’t make it this year – not because of age but because of a debate tournament; however, he still thinks he’s young enough to trick-or-treat (old enough to start driving and young enough to trick-or-treat – something seems amiss).

Maybe my friends and I are getting to be curmudgeons, but I think there needs to be a litmus test for trick-or-treaters. From kids old enough to know better, to outfits that look like the girl came to party, things are getting out of hand. As a result, we took my old trick-or-treater guidelines and updated them to come up with a 2011 set of requirements for trick-or-treating eligibility.

If the trick-or-treater meets any of these guidelines, they should be the one at home handing out candy and scaring the real trick-or-treaters:

• If you are dependent on breast milk.
• If at any time during the evening you need a diaper change.
• If you are incapable of completing one of these efforts on your own: walk to the door or say “trick-or-treat.” If incapable of both, either mom and dad are just showing off the cute costume bought for the all too adorable 1 year-old, or they are trick-or-treating for their own delight.
• If mom or dad drove the trick-or-treater door-to-door or street-to-street – okay, this is partial ineligibility, but only one piece of candy because if you’re not walking off the calories we must be careful.
• If you are trick-or-treating with no costume. This is what society usually calls “begging.”
• If you are on birth control.
• If you are within 6 months of a graduation ceremony (excluding middle school).
• If you’re able to drive to the store to buy your own candy. Okay, if you do something special beyond saying “trick-or-treat” then you’re good (we did have one group sing a Christmas carol and that was pretty creative).
• If you have any facial hair.
• If you have a criminal history.
• If you bought a costume whose title was prefaced with “Naughty” (Nurse, Cop, Waitress, President, etc.).

Of course it’s easy to have these rules when you’re at someone else’s house handing out candy because it’s not your house that will get egged.

Does anyone have any to add?

I was enjoying some irony while watching the activities at Occupy Wall Street and seeing graying hippies wearing badges supporting Chairman Mao and chanting, “This is our Wall Street.” I had to wonder: do ya really think your public protest would go over well in China?

But it did get me to thinking about how different sides can have different definitions about common topics. In my Business Writing class I teach the theory of Stasis and how writers need to understand their readers’ “definition” of a concept before making an argument.

Using OWS as an example, Luke Johnson of the Financial Times offered some varying interpretations of common concepts among the anti-business protesters and, well, the rest of us:

Banks: institutions that take deposits and make loans; as opposed to casinos run by fat cats, who are engaged in privatizing profits and socializing losses.

Companies: corporate structures that carry out business undertakings; as opposed to inhuman vehicles that despoil the earth and merchandise unwanted products.

Shopping: browsing stores to buy consumer items; as opposed to an unhealthy activity fueled by materialism and false promises.”

You can find the article online, but it takes registration – if you search the author’s name on Google News, you’ll get a direct link bypassing the registration (funny how that works).

Frankly, I’m not totally against some of the OWS interpretations- “shopping” comes to mind. My worst experience on our RV trip was having to spend time at America’s largest shopping mall, the Mall of America.

Since I’m into free-range thinking though, this interpretation game led me to the issue of military retirement reform, which is rearing its ugly head again. Here is MOAA’s Steve Strobridge testifying before the HASC-Subcommittee on Military Personnel:

Here are some different interpretations I have come up with regarding how America sees a few military-related terms versus how the Defense Business Board and some policy wonks interpret the terms:

Military Member: Individual supporting his or her country in a job that has inherent, unique and dangerous personal and family sacrifices, who accepted the sacrifices based on attractive set of benefits; as opposed to an employee in a job no different than others getting more than they deserve.

Retired Military Member: Individual who formerly supported his or her country in a job with inherent, unique and dangerous personal and family sacrifices based on promised benefits; as opposed to a former employee thinking they are owed something (see “healthcare”).

Military Retirement Program: Employment benefit created and promised in order to attract and retain employees for a job that calls for personal sacrifice above and beyond typical employment environment; as opposed to, overly generous perk for an ordinary job with ordinary responsibilities no different than 9 to 5 workers. (Exception: high level executives such as those serving on advisory committees advising politician-types.)

MOAA: Professional association representing the interests of the military community as Congress inches closer to changing military pay, healthcare and benefits; as opposed to, pain in the neck.

I was sitting in the base library the other day with my son as he studied. Maybe I missed the memo on updated library behavior, but I still think that quiet is the right way to be in a library. We had this – until a family of four walked in. The kids were talking at high volume, higher than an “outside voice,” and running around. Their comments were interspersed with loud “SSSHHHH”es from their dad. I have to believe that if the kid doesn’t shut up after 5 “SSSHHHH”es, he’s not going to shut up – dad may as well just “shhhsh” himself up. At this point, dad is just going through the motion hoping that others think he’s trying – but he knows that we know (that he also knows) that his kid is out of control (is this what Rumsfeld meant about knowing some unknowns and not knowing some knowns – I’m lost now).

Anyway, just as the family leaves and quiet comes back the adult next to us takes a phone call. My son and I know his email never went through to this unknown caller and that he is behind on his payment – this isn’t quite the information we were looking for in the library.

After, a friend and I were talking about the library episode and we agreed that there are times when other kids accepted behaviors make it tough for other parents to guide our kids. For example, I’ve always told my kids to talk quietly in the library; however, when I tell them they come back with “but other people are talking loudly.” I need to paraphrase the adage: Do as I say, not as they do.

My friend and I came up with the Top Five areas where our parenting attempts to establish some standards for polite behavior and to not create an “entitled” kid through retail therapy gets sabotaged (i.e., parenting behaviors such as, “no, you’re too young for that,” “that’s too much money to spend,” “sshhh,” etc.):

1. See above.
2. iPhones for middle schoolers – I won’t bemoan a cell phone too much, I can see why some parents like to stay in touch with kids due to activities (our kids have to wait until they’re freshman in high school, but we’re mean – and cheap); but, why do middle schoolers need a phone that requires buying web access? Do they need GPS to access the playground?
3. Sticking with Apple products, iPod Touches for elementary school kids – the kid hasn’t heard enough songs in their lifetime to fill half of the music library.
4. Middle School Formals – why are middle schools trying to treat their students as if they were high schoolers? These kids don’t need to insert the drama of relationships and preening themselves for the opposite sex – there’s enough time for that in high school.
5. Top of the line equipment for youth sports – okay, a $150 pair of sports shoes can help an athlete at the pro or college skill levels, but is a kid’s chance at making the traveling team really going to improve by wearing the same shoe David Beckham wears?

Thanks for listening, I feel better.

Mary Claire and I have always tried to put a little culture into our children’s lives, be it John Wayne westerns or walking through the Louvre. When we were stationed at Landstuhl, Germany, we were fortunate enough to get to London. While there, we took the kids to see two plays, Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. In addition to being one of our kid’s more expensive naps (Anna fell asleep after intermission during Mary Poppins), it was a great experience to get dressed up, have some local British cuisine for dinner (Indian curry), and then hit the theatre district.

Now that we’re in the states, we thought it would be fun to see a play here and see if U.S. theatre seats were just as comfy for naps. Anna read “To Kill a Mockingbird” over the summer and it happened that the Denver Center for the Performing Arts was offering this play for as part of their Fall schedule. In addition to the book, we’ve all liked the movie; so we made a day of it and went up for a Saturday matinee.

First, we took a backstage tour. This is better described as a “multiple backstage tour” because the Denver Center is made up of numerous venues hosting local productions, ballet, opera, Broadway plays, and theatre in the round. Afterward, we strolled the Denver streets, had a nice lunch, and then went back for the play. The performance was phenomenal, and closely followed the book. All actors were flawless, and the actor playing Atticus was spot-on in recreating Gregory Peck’s role from the movie, from the mannerism to his looks.

For me though, the most exciting part of our theatre experience was seeing our kids enthralled by the play and the story. The performance did not slack off one bit in terms of racially tinged language, the message, or the sadness of the story. Plus, the atmosphere of the theatre, the proximity to the actors, and the element of watching live acting all created an element of excitement that Netflix can’t offer.

Even Sam, our 9 year-old, followed the whole play intently – and without any electronic wizardry or effects; just plot and character development – go figure.

My wife and I are now looking for the next event we can take the kids to at DCPA (hey, Bill Cosby is coming – okay, I know it’s not a play, but what better comedic entertainment exists for a whole family, and his fatherhood stories could have been mine). For all parents who are searching for something to do with the kids, I strongly recommend finding a local stage play for your family to attend. The only downside you might find though, like I did, is the thought that: “my kids could be up there doing that part!”

Photo via Denver Center for the Performing Arts.

I’m pondering the etiquette of what kid-related news it is okay to share with others. It started when my son told us he could get a “letter” in high school for forensics (or, what I used to call “debate”). To be honest, we were a little surprised at lettering in a non-athletic activity.

However, the more I thought about it, I saw the validity of this letter. Why don’t high schools acknowledge intellectual activities as well as athletic? Why not drama, student senate, etc.? It makes perfect sense. That problem solved; however, it led me to another quandary and my etiquette question: when is it okay to tell others of your kids’ academic achievements?

Think about it: We all get news from friends and family about their kids achievements – Facebook, Christmas cards, letters, etc. But what achievements are mentioned? It always sports – football, basketball, soccer, etc. (There seems to be a hierarchy – I don’t read much about cross country or track and field, for instance.) These updates always tell us about Johnny making the travel team, Judy being an all-star, Tommy making the school football team, or Billy kicking the ref. I don’t have a problem with this (maybe the last one), and we all see sports updates as normal news about the kids.

So then, why don’t we hear about Johnny getting straight A’s all year, Judy being selected for Gifted & Talented, Tommy’s winning essay, or Billy embarrassing the quarterback by correcting his spelling in class (I put that in for balance).

Even in parent-chat over a beer or bbq, parents talk about “all star” this or “goal scoring” that. But we parents seem reluctant to say, for instance, Sammy is still getting straight A’s (I let that slip, didn’t I?).

Maybe we don’t read or hear this news because we think it is arrogant (or we view academics as geeky and sports as studly). Or is it that parents are more humble about academics?

It shouldn’t be this way though. If a Christmas newsletter can tell us all about where each kid stands athletically, can’t parents also report on GPAs or academics? We have three decently academically achieving kids who also do sports – I’m not hesitant to say one made the JV soccer team; but, I am hesitant to say my daughter got off the chart grades (well, I let the cat out of the bag there).

Personally, I see an all star ranking as solid as a kid scoring in the top 5 on their high school placement test and getting some scholarship money (that’s the last one – no need to send a Christmas newsletter this year). Seriously though, I’d love to hear about a friend’s child who was accepted at 5 universities and went to Yale on an ROTC scholarship – just as much as I like hearing about the kid whose team won state.

Actually, the college thing would be more impressive.

Anyway, can anyone answer my dilemma: Is it okay to talk about children’s academic pursuits. Is there a parenting “Dear Abby” out there who can address this issue?

It is interesting how events converge. First, we’ve got Occupy Wall Street making the news through their protests on Wall Street. Some of their ideas have merit, but I think they’re in the wrong location. I’d give them more credence if they occupied DC where administrations invite Wall Street execs to play active roles in lawmaking and elected officials on both sides are showered with their “donations.”

Speaking of showers, it seems a few of the OWS group could use one of these. However, their actions do represent a great aspect of our country – the right to protest and speak freely. Jon Huntsman made a great point in contrasting the protesters’ freedom to shout their demands for governmental reform (and more sleeping bags for cold nights) versus his time in China where these actions aren’t allowed. So while we have to put up with some loud protesters in need of some personal hygiene, we need to remember our founders wanted us to have this freedom of speech.

Second, while OWS is demonstrating one of the many rights our country offers, my daughter had to write an essay for school on “Are You Proud of Your Country?” I always enjoy students’ perspectives on our country and their perspectives on what our country offers (beyond hot dogs and amusement parks). So then, I thought I’d offer insight into why a 12 year-old is proud of her country:

Are You Proud of Your Country? By Anna Wahl

When asked, “Are you proud of your country?” I immediately say, “Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” I have never thought about why I say that, but now I know. It is because of the people, especially the ones I saw during 9-11, when my mother was in the Air Force, and at the United States Air Force Academy.

First, everyone who participated in 9-11 makes me proud. I have seen footage of the planes crashing into the twin towers, and then the towers collapsing. I saw and heard how lots of people died to save others. Firefighters especially put themselves in very dangerous situations to rescue others. This reminds me of a quote by President Kennedy: “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” Those American citizens did a great service to us during 9-11. They were very brave. This makes me proud.

When my mom was in the Air Force, I also saw people who make me proud. My mother served for 22 years, and so did others. Lots of people served in the United States military many years. They want to help our country and our lives. This shows me that America is a wonderful place. The military bases help everyone; the people in there do anything for others; and it makes me realize that the people in out country are great, especially in the military.

The last reason I am proud of my country is by seeing the United States Air Force Academy (USAFA for short). It is a wonderful academy to go to, with a great education and program. Many students apply there. Lots of young adults want to go to USAFA to serve America. This alone makes me proud, that so many Americans want to have the honor of serving our great country. However, the Academy only takes a certain number of students. USAFA wants to ensure that our military consist of strong and smart officers. Cadets have to have great grades and be physically fit. The Academy is a great place that makes Americans ready for a military career helping our country.

That is why I am proud of my country. I am proud because of the people. All their actions are honorary. Now I know exactly why I don’t have to think about the answer to “are you proud of your country?” It’s just too easy.